Becoming Juliet - Paula Marinaro Page 0,51
for the right words. “It was incredible. You were incredible.” Juliet smiled a sad apology. “It’s just that…”
A knot of vulnerability made itself known and tied itself tight and deep inside P.J.’s belly. He rose to his full height. P.J. turned to Juliet and asked in a low growl, “It’s just that what? It’s just that it was wrong? Is that the bullshit you’re gonna serve me this morning, Juliet? You gonna tell me that you and me…? You gonna try to convince yourself that sharing my bed was a mistake?”
Juliet’s lips formed a soft O and she looked at P.J. with honest surprise. “A mistake? If I live to be a hundred years old, P.J. McCabe, I will never look back on last night as anything less than perfect. Being with you felt…right. As a matter of fact, it was the rightest thing I think I have ever felt in my whole damn life. So, no…I would not call last night a mistake.” Then, her eyes went wide as if in sudden epiphany. “Unless…you… is that it? P.J. do you think last night was a mis…”
“No! Jesus, Juliet. God, I’m fucking this all up…yeah?” He scrubbed a hard hand through his hair.
“I think that maybe we both are.” Juliet raised her hand and gave a strand of her hair a slight tug. “Maybe…uh…maybe we should just relax and have a cup of coffee?”
“Yeah, let’s do that.” P.J. stoked up the fire again to blazing, then he brought the pot to the coffee table. He poured them each a steaming mug and sat down on the couch next to her. Then he said to Juliet “I should have told you when you walked out of the bedroom, you look beautiful.”
“You do too, P.J.,” Juliet’s eyes softened when she looked at him. In that instant, she felt all those feels… nervous, self-conscious, awed, and finally contented. And because she had been through so much, had fought so many fights, Juliet let herself have this. She allowed this perfect moment of the kind of fleeting happiness that would wrap its arms around a woman and etch the memory into her heart. She stared into the fire wanting to stop time, to hold on to this moment forever.
Then… “You don’t know me, P.J. You might think you know me, but you don’t.”
“And I’m guessing that’s a problem for you, Juliet? Me getting to know you? Us getting to know each other?”
When Juliet didn’t reply, P.J. knew that she was afraid to say more, afraid to open up. Having a conversation with Juliet was like being stuck in a dark and shadowed room, you knew there was a door somewhere, you just couldn’t find it.
“How about I tell you what I think I know about you, and you tell me if I’m right or not?”
“I guess that would be okay.”
“Well, I know that you must be kinda smart because you pretty much had an orgasm when you saw all those books on the shelves at the cabin.” P.J. grinned, then was quick to add. “Layla’s words, not mine.”
“Well, I do enjoy a night with a good book.” Juliet tried and failed to suppress a small smile as she eyed him over her coffee cup.
“Okay. That’s one for the team.” P.J. rubbed his hands together dramatically as if he were a scientist who had just made a profound discovery, or a pitcher getting ready to throw that perfect ball. P.J.’s expression turned thoughtful as he stirred some cream into his coffee, his spoon creating a ripple effect in the milky blend. He chose his next words carefully. “There’s this hyper-vigilance thing that you have going on. It’s in the way you move, but it’s different all the time. Sometimes you remind me of a small bird with wings flapping a million miles an hour, waiting to roost. Other times, I look at you and see a caged lioness waiting for a chance to claw her way out. You don’t smile a lot, but when you do it’s a quick and hesitant, like you’re not sure you should be happy. You’re cautious. You think carefully about every move you make before making it and each word you say before saying it. How am I doing so far?”
P.J. paused for a moment and waited for a response, but when Juliet remained silent, her eyes downcast, and her fingers white knuckled around the cup, P.J. went on.
“I know all those things about you Juliet, but mostly I know