"Ramon..." I glanced away from him, gently tugging my hand free. "I will explore my old life with you, but my heart isn't yours anymore. I'm sorry."
"No," he hissed. "That's not fair. You will love me when you remember. You will, Sasha."
"That's not my name," I said, my heart beginning to hit a wilder tune. "I know this is hard to hear but I have to be honest with you."
"You don't know yourself," he insisted, loosening a button at his throat as his muscles bunched. "I deserve a chance. I spent years loving and caring for you, I can win your heart again.”
"I know who I am," I said passionately, but even I heard the doubt in my tone. There were still so many unanswered questions. How could I ever be a whole person when I didn't even know what kind of childhood I'd had, who my parents were, if I'd been to college, or had a job?
"You know who you are now, darling, but you don't know who you were. And that is just as important. So please give me the opportunity to show you. I will have the best therapist in the world come and help you get your memories back," he pushed and I felt my resolve cracking.
"I don’t need that. I’ll stay here for a day," I offered him.
"A week," he countered and I started shaking my head. He sighed. "Come downstairs, you must be famished, you didn’t touch any of your food last night. The maid will prepare whatever breakfast you like."
My stomach did feel painfully empty, but I wasn't done with this conversation yet. It seemed Ramon had other ideas though as he left me in a vast kitchen with dark red accents and a mahogany breakfast bar. The maid made me eggs on toast and I sat alone while I ate, the huge house seeming to echo with a thousand memories I couldn't grasp. It made me feel lonelier than ever.
When I was done eating, I expected Ramon to show up again, but he didn't. So I explored the cavernous house, moving from room to room and taking in the pictures on the walls of us. Mostly of our wedding day, but some on vacation. We'd been to Rome, Venice, Paris, London. It was so strange to see myself standing in front of landmarks I recognised, yet couldn't remember my time spent there. As I drifted through the huge entrance hall and gazed up at the curving oak stairway that led to the first floor, my mind flashed with some vision as I recalled stumbling down those very stairs, a man's hands locked around me, heavy breaths in my ear. Cigarettes. Duke. And my husband yelling Sasha! in desperation.
I shuddered at the fear that crept into me as the memory slipped away again. The door opened behind me and I leapt in alarm as I turned and backed up, finding Ramon strolling through the door with a wiry man with a buzz cut and a doctor's bag under his arm.
"This is Dr Eckhart," Ramon explained. "He will check you over in your room."
I tried to speak in front of the stranger and my voice finally came out constricted. "I saw a doctor at the Romeros’."
"Indulge me, darling, I wish to see that you're okay for myself," Ramon said with no room for negotiation, directing us upstairs and I gritted my teeth as I headed that way.
When I made it to my room, Ramon left me with Eckhart and my skin prickled as he looked me up and down like an animal about to be slaughtered. My voice drifted down into my belly and I lost my hold on it completely.
"Take your clothes off and lay on the bed," Eckhart clipped and I turned my back on him as I did as he asked, stripping down to my underwear before lowering myself onto the bed. He checked over my scars with cold hands and grunted a couple of words to say I was fine. Then he took a syringe from his bag and my tongue felt heavy as he moved toward me with it. I flinched away as he approached me again and he sighed.
"It's just a vitamin shot. You are no doubt deficient in Vitamin D amongst other vital nutrients."
I swallowed thickly then nodded, allowing him to get closer and he gripped my arm, pushing the needle into the top of it. It sank in