Beautiful Pain - J.M. Walker Page 0,114

The gunshots rang out. Matteo’s screams. My shock that a person was dying right in front of me. I never wanted her to die. I never wished her any harm. I felt sorry for her. Her demons were so strong, they controlled her. They made her sick and deranged. A part of me wondered if she even knew better. She had kept shrines of other men. Matteo being one of them. She had every newspaper clipping on Matteo and his success as a psychologist. The police had found journals of her saying that she got the job at Cello’s only because Matteo was a regular customer. He had helped her once and she repaid him by becoming possessed.

I had asked Matteo about that day and what his professional opinion was but he never gave me an answer. He said she was ill and left it at that. But I knew there was more to it. I knew because Matteo had experienced what Emily had. Hallucinations. Nightmares. A darkness so strong, it controlled even the healthiest of minds.

It had been six months since Matteo was diagnosed with schizophrenia and PTSD. Doctors tried diagnosing him with multiple personality disorder but since he only heard one voice, he didn’t believe them. He had shown me the video. Him screaming at Morgan even though it was Emily. She played it into it, making him think all along that she was the monster inside of Matteo’s head. Even the phone calls he had with Morgan never existed. I couldn’t understand exactly how the mind could be so powerful into making up full conversations, full scene’s but it never happened. But the victim thought it did. It was sad and it broke my heart that millions of people lived that way, not getting the help they needed or deserved.

Morgan never existed in our world. But Matteo saw her. Every day. Every time he closed his eyes. But she was never there. Not to me. But to him, she was a physical life form even though she hadn’t been alive since before Matteo killed her years before. It had been self-defence but it had eaten him up throughout the years that it made him relive those nightmares day in and day out. Never truly being free of her.

“I ended her,” he had told me, explaining the video that Cathy had revealed to him. “But I never killed her in here.” When he had pointed to his head, I kissed him. His mouth. His nose. His forehead. His temple. His whole face.

I could see the shining fear in his eyes of me leaving him. But I didn’t. I married him instead.

But he knew. I knew. He was sick. And if he didn’t take his meds, or have the therapy sessions we gave each other, he would have jumped off that cliff long ago.

He told me every day since then that because of me, he felt normal. Safe.

And I agreed.

He gave me our precious baby boy, Malik, and I could never repay the gift.

After everything that had happened, the demons we dealt with on a daily basis were gone. Morgan. Andre. Thanks to both of our fathers, Matteo and I could start our healing process.

The beautiful pain of our past threatened to destroy us but we finally overcame that darkness.

Our hearts had stopped before they started beating again…

…together.

While traveling to Italy last November, Matteo Santos appeared. I knew he was Mexican but never in a million years would I think that he was half Italian. He demanded my attention and nine months later, Beautiful Pain was born.

It’s been a long, emotionally, exhausting road but thanks to all of you, I’ve been able to make it through this unexpected journey.

To my husband; for putting up with my mood swings, the pressure I put on myself, the sleepless nights…you are my rock and without you as my foundation, I would have crumbled long ago.

My family: Although most of you have not read my work, you support me. You give me countless hours of encouragement. And I can’t thank you enough for just standing by me.

Twinsie Talk Book Reviews, I can never write an acknowledgment without giving you girls some form of shoutout. Everything you have done for me goes beyond what I ever imagined. I remember when I told you I was going to start writing. You were so supportive and encouraged me to write harder and faster. Your love of my stories has kept me going. I love you!!

Angie Stanton-Johnson and Tammi Plummer; two of the best PA’s a girl could ask for. I couldn’t do any of this without your help. I love you girls like sisters. I don’t tell you enough.

Brenda Wright, your patient knows no bounds. Love you!

Rachel Mizer with ShoutLines Designs. Thank you once again for another beautiful cover.

Golden Czermak with FuriousFotog: Thank YOU for the hottest cover image ever! I love forward to working with you in the future! #FuriousArmy

Dustin Sherer: Thank you for allowing me to have you on my cover and for bringing Matteo Santos to life! Here’s to future covers!

My Jems!!!!!! My girls. My readers. My loves. You ladies are the solid ground I walk on! You keep me going. You deal with my craziness. You deal with me! I love each and every one of you. You all have a special spot in my heart. You are my family!

To the blogs, authors, readers, everyone who has stood by my side through the writing, plotting and release of this book; thank you. I don’t have enough words to tell you how grateful I am. So thank you.

I love you all!

xx