That brought a smile to her face. “She knows you well.”
Naturally, that’s what she would think. At least she’d smiled. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Her eyes narrowed on him. “There it is. You have a tell when you get your feelings hurt. Your lips purse slightly and you look away. What did I say? You were the one who joked about needing condoms.”
He frowned. “I wasn’t hurt.”
She looked back at the water. “Okay. My mistake.”
She went silent, one hand on her beer and the other on Daisy’s head as the puppy settled down beside her.
He’d lost his appetite. He set the bowl down. “All right. What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Another moment of silence passed between them. “Damn it, Rox. We were fine and then I made a joke and . . .” What had his brother said? He had to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to be vulnerable with anyone. That wasn’t his place. He was the good-time guy. He was the guy you partied with and looked to for fun. Did he want to be that guy for her? It was what she thought of him, but maybe that was because he’d never once shown her another side. “I hate it when my mom leaves condoms around because it makes me feel like she doesn’t want grandkids from me. I know it’s stupid because that’s not her intention and it’s not like I’m ready to give her any, but it hurts all the same.”
“Seriously?” she snorted, a derisive sound. “I’ll trade you for mine. I’ll take free condoms over her talking about the maturity of my eggs any day.”
Yes, that was why he didn’t talk about feelings. They were surprisingly delicate things. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s easier. And you know I’ll use them. Well, I’m going to go clean up and we can head home.”
Her hand came over his, stopping him from standing up. “There’s that tell. Zep, I’m sorry. I’m not good at the feelings thing. It’s been pointed out to me on occasion that I’m not particularly sensitive and I’m not one to talk about anything important. But I kind of think not talking hasn’t worked for me. It’s hard when everyone views you as the not successful sibling. I’ve only got one. It must be hard to have to deal with two. I think that’s part of what got to me. In my mother’s head, the only way I can have any value is to have kids. She’s never cared about my career. She cried when I told her I was joining the Army. Not because she was scared for me. She was upset because it meant I would put off having a family. She thought I should try becoming a teacher or a nurse because it was a good way to find a husband. I asked her if she understood it wasn’t the freaking fifties anymore, and I promptly left the country to shoot things.”
It was so much easier to talk about her. “You always knew you wanted to be a cop, right?”
“I just knew I loved what my grandfather did. It was noble. We had a whole family of cops. It was tradition. For the men. My dad seemed proud at the time, but now I wonder.”
“Have you ever asked him?”
“Do you remember the part about me not being great with my feelings?” She turned his way, her eyes on him now. “And I’m proving it because I didn’t mean to talk about me. Why are you taking a job you don’t want?”
Yeah, this was way harder. But there was expectation in her eyes. She wanted to know, and it wasn’t a polite question. She wanted something real from him. “Because I don’t have anything else to do. I can take over the shop and help my brother out, or I can keep on taking shifts from people who are way better at serving than I am. Not everyone knows what they want to do in life. Not everyone has this grand plan and perfect job for them.”
“But most people have things they’re interested in. You like working with animals.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t actually pay. We’re too small a town to have a dog training school.” He took a deep breath and decided to go all in. “I guess I was kind of lying, though. I wanted to do something like work with the park rangers or with the wildlife department. I was even going to finish my four-year degree. I got into school .