more on living than merely working? There were possible futures in front of her, two potential versions of herself. One was full of success. That Roxanne would likely have the admiration of everyone around her.
The other might have a shot at being happy.
“What do you mean, you don’t know if you’re going to take the job?”
She shouldn’t have started this conversation. She wasn’t sure why she had. Maybe it was being around the Guidrys that had made her want some kind of connection with her own family. “I said I don’t know.”
Her mother’s eyes widened. “Roxanne, don’t be ridiculous. Your father and Joel pulled a lot of strings to make this happen.”
“But they didn’t ask me if I wanted it, and honestly, I don’t know what I would have said if they had.”
Her mom stared for a moment as though trying to figure out what to say. “I was so sure this was what you wanted.”
“I’ve changed a lot since I left New York, Mom. I’m not the same person. I’m starting to think I don’t want to leave this place.”
Her mother’s lips firmed as though she was trying to hold something in. The words spilled out anyway. “Are you doing this to spite me? Are you thinking about staying in that town because you hate me?”
Was she even ready for this conversation? She could simply walk away and go join her dad, who definitely wouldn’t ask her any emotional questions. Wasn’t that exactly how her mom usually handled things? Ignore them and they go away. They’d been doing it all her life. Maybe it was time to stop. Maybe it was time to see if there was any hope for them. “I don’t hate you. I don’t understand you.”
Her mom sank down on the nearest bench, clinging to her handbag like it was a lifeline, and for a moment Roxie worried she was going to do what she’d always done. Instead she took a deep breath and forged into new territory. “I don’t understand you, either, sweetheart. I never have. I try to connect with you but I always seem to do it wrong. I wanted this week to be special. I wanted to get my daughter back. I miss you.”
Something softened inside Roxie at the sight of her mother looking utterly forlorn. All of her life she’d felt like she’d let this woman down by not being the daughter she’d wanted. She’d let it close her off, and that disappointment had flavored every encounter with the woman who’d given birth to her.
What she’d learned, whether it be from the people around her, the place she’d found herself in, or simply by growing up, was that there was always another side to every story, always a connection to be made even in the most opposite of humans.
Did she always have to win? Some arguments were meaningless.
“It was special. Thank you for thinking of me, Mom. And for the birthday party.”
Her mother’s eyes were suddenly sheened with tears. “But you don’t like lamb. I swear you liked it when you were a kid. At least I thought so. I didn’t . . . I wanted to please you but sometimes I don’t know how and I am not good about asking. I feel like I should know and that if I have to ask, I’m already failing. It’s what my mother taught me. A mother should know what her children need.”
Roxie sat down beside her mom, setting her carry-on to the side. “And I often get frustrated and stop trying. How can you know what I want or need if I never tell you? So let’s talk. I never dated Armie. I lied to you so you wouldn’t know that I basically ran away because it was too hard to stay in New York, where I knew I’d disappointed everyone.”
A little gasp came from her mother’s mouth. “That’s not true. Oh, Roxanne. I wasn’t disappointed in you. I didn’t understand the situation and I didn’t want to. I wanted things to be the way I saw them in my head as a kid. I wanted a happy family with grandkids and big meals together. I wanted what my parents had.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t the daughter you wanted me to be.”
She shook her head. “What I wanted was an illusion, and I worry I’m still trying to find it. My parents weren’t perfect. Far from it. Neither is your father. Lord knows I’m not. I’m struggling with getting old and feeling