Once he’s finished dressing, he glances at me. “I might be a couple of hours.”
I shoo him. “Go. I’m good here.”
As we’ve drawn closer to Monday, he’s tried to be here for me more. While I love him for it, I’m getting to the stage where I need my space. I need time alone to think and to prepare myself for this test. Not to mention, I need him to leave so I can maybe do this home test.
The sound of the front door closing is music to my ears, and I go into my wardrobe where I’ve hidden the test I bought yesterday. I’m on my way back to the en suite when Lily calls.
“Hey,” I answer. “I thought you were busy all over town with the kids today.” She’d told me she had parties and sport to drive them to. That was in between telling me she’d decided to stay a virgin in her next life so she had zero chance of having kids to drive all over the place.
“King’s playing taxi driver. Apparently, I need to spend time in my bath today because I’ve got raging hormones he’s sick of having to deal with.”
“He doesn’t know what raging hormones are, Lil. It’s a good thing you guys didn’t have to do IVF.”
“We wouldn’t have survived IVF. I would have killed him long before he even had to get his dick out and do something useful with it.”
I laugh, imagining that scenario to be absolutely true. Lily and King are made for each other, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their fair share of fights. “So you’re in the bath?”
“Yes, and I wanted to check in on you and see how you’re going. Are you holding strong?”
It’s been about four days since we’ve spoken; she doesn’t know about the test I’m about to do. I haven’t told anyone. “I’m a fucking mess, to be honest. My chest feels like it might explode with all the anxiety in there. I’m not sleeping well because I can’t get comfortable now that I’m the size of a hippo. And I’m all over the place with my moods, but mostly I just feel like I wanna cry all the time.”
“Jesus, yeah, King has no idea what real raging hormones are. I’m sorry you have to go through all this. Is Winter home?”
“No, he’s gone out for a run, which is a good thing.” I bite my lip, deciding whether to tell her about the test.
“Why?”
“Because I want to take a pregnancy test and I know he won’t want me to,” I blurt, unable to keep it to myself any longer. At the same time the words leave my mouth, my gaze meets Winter’s in the bathroom mirror. Fuck. I thought he’d already left for his run. “Umm, Lil, I have to go, sorry.”
“Okay, but we need to discuss this more when you’re free. Call me back.”
Oh, I don’t think there will be any test to discuss now. Not if the angry look Winter’s giving me is anything to go by.
“You weren’t going to tell me?” he says tightly when I place the phone down on the vanity and turn to him.
“No, because I knew you’d react this way.”
“Because it’s the wrong thing to do.” He slaps that down between us, his features wild.
I don’t know if it’s the way he’s speaking to me, all “I’m right, you’re wrong,” or if it’s the hormones surging through me, or if I’m just pissed off because it’s my body so I should get to choose this one thing to do with it—especially after practically donating it for IVF use for the last six weeks—but I suddenly want to fight him over this.
“Why is it the wrong thing to do?” I demand.
His nostrils flare. “You heard the doctor. Your body is filled with fertility hormones that could give you the wrong result. You don’t need false hope right now.”
“So what you’re saying is you don’t think I’m pregnant.”
“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it.”
“Well, I’m keeping faith that we are pregnant, so I don’t see how doing this test could be wrong.”
“Fuck.” He works his jaw. “I’m not the bad guy here, Birdie.”
“And neither am I even though you’re making me feel like I am.”
“That’s not my intent.”
“It’s my body, Winter.”
“Yeah, and it’s me who has to deal with the fallout whenever you crash. And I guarantee you the crash will be greater if you go in there on Monday expecting the world