far too many hours worrying over things that may not turn out how I want them to. Sometimes he humours me; sometimes he counteracts me.
I pull a face. I want a serious discussion tonight. “Seriously, what if the baby won’t take to my boob?”
He crouches in front of me. “I’ll teach it how.”
This makes me laugh and I smack him playfully. “Not helpful.”
He disposes of the needle in the sharps container and puts it on the floor. Placing his hands to my thighs, he says, “If the baby can’t breastfeed, it wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t breastfed and I turned out all right.”
“I never knew that about you.” I also never imagined the day I’d hear Winter say if something didn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be. He’s always been so driven to make things happen; this way of thinking from him surprises me.
“Mum tried for days to breastfeed, but in the end had to admit defeat because I was losing too much weight. I know she always regretted not being able to make it happen, but that kind of regret is a waste of time. As is you worrying over this being a possibility.” He takes hold of my hands. “We’re doing everything we can to make a baby, and I know that once we have that baby, we’ll do everything we can to do right by it. That’s all a parent can do, Birdie.”
“How did I get so lucky to have you as my husband?” I ask as I lean forward and rest my forehead against his.
He stays with me like that for a moment and then stands. “I have no fucking clue, but that kid of ours is also lucky since I’m gonna be the one to teach it how to latch on. It hit the jackpot having me as a dad.”
I love how he talks about our child as a given. There’s no hesitation from Winter where our IVF success is concerned.
Smiling up at him, I shake my head at his cockiness.
Taking hold of my face, he presses a kiss to my forehead. “Mostly, though, it hit the jackpot having you as its mother.”
I really am the lucky one. Even in my darkest moments of fear and worry, when I think about what life will be like if we never have a baby, I know I’m blessed to have Winter by my side.
9
Birdie
* * *
I pull into my car park at work on Tuesday morning, cut the engine, and grab my phone. Calling Winter, I reapply my lipstick while I wait for him to answer. I’m all hyped up after having just come from the IVF clinic where I had another ultrasound and blood test so they could check my levels to see if I’m ready for the stimulation phase. I’ve got good news I’m desperate to share with Winter, but I get his voicemail instead of him.
“Ugh,” I grumble while I listen to his message. “It’s me. Call me as soon as you can. I have good news.”
I shove my phone in my bag and open the door to exit the car; however, my phone rings and I madly reach for it, hopeful it’s Winter.
It’s not.
It’s Lily.
“Hey, you,” I say, answering the call.
“Oh my God, B, I’ve been dying to know how you went at the clinic this morning. Was it good news, or do you have to endure another dildo-cam tomorrow?”
I laugh at her description of the ultrasound. I’ve had one every day since Friday, and to say I’m over them is an understatement, but I have many more ahead of me so I’m learning to suck it up and just get on with the process. “It was the best news today. I’m starting stims tonight!”
Her squeal of excitement is so loud I have to shift the phone from my ear for a beat. “I’m so excited for you! Have you been able to get in touch with Winter?”
Winter left early this morning to head north and meet King for the road trip they’re taking this week. He kissed me goodbye at around 5:00 a.m., guilt still clear in his voice even though I’ve told him not to feel that. It’s not like he wanted to leave me at this time; he had no choice in the matter.
“Not yet. I just left him a voicemail. Hopefully he’ll call soon. I’m ready to burst with this news.”
“I bet you are,” she says. “Okay, I’ll let you go because I know you have a huge