conceiving, but right now, I’m a little resentful of the fact he’s had some today while I haven’t had any for weeks.
He sits up, his arms coming around me, his eyes searching mine. The love I see in them hits me hard in the chest. This man would do anything for me. And suddenly, out of the blue, a wave of extreme emotion unleashes through me and tears stream down my face.
“Fuck,” he says, cupping the back of my head and pulling me close. “Let it out.”
I sob for a good few minutes, completely bewildered by what’s going on. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. It makes no sense. Ten minutes ago, I was all about sex, and now it’s the last thing on my mind. And why the hell am I crying?
When I get my tears under control enough to talk, I wipe my eyes. Since I don’t actually know what’s going on to be able to explain it to my husband, I start with what I do know. “It was the coffee, I think. That and a million emotions that kissing you brought up. And then when you put your arms around me, it hit me how much you love me and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. It’s dumb, I know—”
“It’s not dumb. It’s the drugs you’re on. You know this.”
“Yeah, I do, but that doesn’t make it easier when it all crashes into me. I can’t just flip a switch and say ‘Oh, that’s just the drugs. I’ll stop feeling these things now.’”
“I know that, but what you can do is acknowledge where they’re coming from and not beat yourself up over them and say it’s dumb to feel them. This is the first time they’ve hit, right?”
“I had a moment earlier. That was the first time.”
“What happened?”
“I practically fired Juanita.”
Full credit to Winter, he doesn’t react to that statement in any way other than to ask, “Why?”
I give him a rundown of what happened and then say, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little concerned about running the business while I’m all over the place like this. Do you think I should talk to Cleo about it again?”
“I think you should wait and see how you go before panicking over it. The minute you tell yourself you can’t cope, you won’t. I have faith you’ll manage this well.”
Winter’s firm belief in me causes a fresh wave of tears, and as I sit in front of him incapable of doing anything but riding them out, he gently wipes them away in between kissing me. He then takes me with him when he lies back down, pulling me into his arms and smoothing my hair.
We lie quietly for a long time before I finally lift my head to look at him. “I’m sorry I ruined this afternoon. I had plans for all the ways I wanted us to have sex, but now I just want to lie here with you.”
“You didn’t ruin anything, angel. But you need to keep those plans fresh in your mind for next time.”
I don’t tell him that with the way I’m feeling right now, the next time might be days away. I’m hopeful this mood will shift fast and I’m back to normal soon.
“I thought of some names today,” I say as I wiggle onto my stomach and rest on my elbows.
He glides a finger over my shoulder and down my arm. “Does this change in subject mean you’ve already forgotten those plans?”
“It means I want to talk about our baby.”
He gives me one of my favourite things in life, his smile, and I fall for him all over again if that’s even possible. God, this man is everything to me. “Tell me the names.”
“I really love Ella and Theo. Oh, and Oscar. Do you?”
“Ella and Theo, yes. Oscar, no fucking way. It makes me think of Sesame Street. If we call our kid that, I’ll always imagine a green furry creature that lives in the rubbish.”
I laugh at the thought and smack him playfully. “Well you’ve just ruined that name for me now, thank you very much. I really loved it before that.”
“Hey,” he says, holding his hands up defensively, “you asked if I like them; I just gave you what you asked for.”
“Don’t you know that husbands are supposed to pretend they like things at first and then somehow later get out of whatever they agreed to while keeping their wife happy? Seriously, I’m going to need