my face before making a cup of tea and taking it to bed. Once I’m settled, I text Maddox back.
* * *
Me: She’s about fifty and not bad looking. You want me to hook you up?
Maddox: No fkn way. A 50 yo chick knows about these books?
Me: We don’t lose our brain cells as we get older.
Maddox: I thought they fell outta your head once you hit 40. Oh wait, you’re over 40. My bad.
Me: If you want more books, you’ll be nice to me.
Maddox: I’ve got a list.
* * *
He sends through a list of ten books he wants. Over the last week, he’s returned the first lot of books I took him, and I delivered the second lot yesterday. I love that he’s into reading this much. Mostly, he reads graphic novels, but this latest list contains a non-fiction title about the brain. I love that even more. He told me one of his friends got him banned from hiring books from his school library about two months ago. He’s banned for one more month, so me taking him books seems to make his day.
* * *
Maddox: Also, you still good to take me to join the library this weekend?
Me: Yes. Any time after ten.
Maddox: Sweet.
Me: I also got you a myki card and loaded it with some cash so you can get to the library whenever you want. I can top up online for you. And I know there’s an app, but I didn’t know that when I got you the card. You can always swap if it’s easier.
* * *
He stops texting for a few minutes and I wonder where he went, but then he comes back.
* * *
Maddox: Thanks. Gotta go.
Maddox: PS you really the queen.
* * *
I stare at his last text, having no idea what he means. I think he means it in a good way, but who knows with teens. They have their own language. I’ve never felt my age so much as I do when I talk to Maddox. But not in a bad way; more in a fun way, because he laughs at the things I say and that makes me laugh. It reminds me we’re all just here living life in our own way, and laughing really is the best medicine.
Tonight reminded me that crying is also good medicine sometimes. I feel a little less weighed down after allowing my tears and emotions to engulf me. And now, after texting with Maddox, I’m smiling from the inside.
The week passes in a blur of work, missing Winter, and tears from spending every night in the nursery. I’m finding it weirdly therapeutic to be in that room. It’s like being there is helping me release my hurt. I want to talk to Winter about it, but I won’t; not while he’s in Brisbane focussed on club stuff. When he gets home, we can talk.
Saturday comes around and I’m excited to take Maddox to the library. I meet him at the clubhouse after Memphis brings him over. Memphis could have just taken him straight to the library, but I told him I want to take Maddox, so he agreed to bring him here first.
As Maddox walks towards my car, I take in the bruise and cuts on his face. “Hey,” I say.
He lifts his chin. “Hey.” Something’s off with him; he usually greets me with a smile and more words than that. And usually, he throws in some smartass comment about my princessy look.
I leave it for now, not wanting to dig into heavy stuff straight away. We get in my car and start the ten-minute drive to the library.
After a couple of minutes of silence, I say, “Did you get through many of the books I brought over the other day?”
He’s been staring out the window and doesn’t draw his attention away from that to answer me. “I finished two of them.”
It’s clear he doesn’t want to talk, so I leave him be. Not my strongest strength, but I’ve had years of practice with Winter, so I manage not to talk the rest of the drive.
It’s busy when we arrive, so it takes some time for Maddox to sign up and become a member. I spend the time browsing for some books for myself. I’m deep in thought over one of the books I find when Maddox’s voice sounds from beside me. “I’m done.”
“Shit,” I mutter as my head jerks up, taken by surprise. Looking at him, I say, “You could