The Battered Heiress Blues - By Laurie Van Dermark Page 0,27
be responsible for that man’s choice to harm you. You’re the victim. It doesn’t matter where you were at the time. You couldn’t have made his choice for him.”
Memories flew back into my mind and I sat up straighter, taking a deep breath. I had to be responsible. The pain of that kept Connor present in my mind. Gabe could tell that I was upset by his comments. He shook his head, struggling to find the right words to calm the conversation.
“I apologize. I’ve had a lot of time to think about why Mattie is trapped inside his body. My conclusions aren’t the gospel. They just help me sleep at night.”
“I don’t mean to sound bitter and hostile. I’m just really angry with God, much to the disappointment of my brother, the priest.”
“Oh well, he probably has much better theories than someone like me.”
“Not really, he’s never faced a crisis of faith. I’d rather hear your thoughts. Please. If you don’t, I’ll think it was because I was rude.”
“I just think that there is this great need to assign blame, in our society. I think that’s why my ex-wife struggled so much. She was convinced that it had to be something she did or didn’t do. I never thought that for a second, but I was unable to convince her. She blamed everything from having a glass of wine before she knew she was pregnant to an x-ray she had in her third trimester, after a slight fender-bender in the mall parking lot. Blame was so necessary to her that she never allowed herself to imagine that Mattie was truly perfect in his own way, and that furthermore, God thought that we were strong enough to raise him.”
“You obviously are. Look at you. A man raising his child alone with no challenges is commendable, but you’re doing it…”
“-With a lot of help. Don’t be fooled. My mother is the one who organized the church volunteers to sit with Mattie during my work shifts. She comes every other weekend and takes Mattie back to Tybee Island because she says that I need down time. Much to her dismay, I honestly just sit here and watch the clock until he returns Sunday evening.”
“Do you date?”
Gabe didn’t quite know how to deal with my straightforwardness. He shifted on his stool and blushed.
“Are you asking me out?”
“Heavens no- I mean, you’re a great looking guy and a family man, and trust me there’s nothing sexier than that, but I’m a mess. I should have little orange cones all around me with caution signs posted. I’m rambling.”
I took a big sip of my coffee. I could feel my cheeks flush. They must have been turning a bright shade of red.
“So you’re asking in a general sense?”
“Yes. Why don’t you date…allow yourself the possibility of happiness?”
“My life really isn’t conducive to dating.”
“Well that’s a cop out.”
“I can’t envision a woman getting a glimpse of my life with Mattie and being all in. His own mom bolted on us.”
“It has to be said, from someone much more emotionally immature than you; she’s a moron- a complete jackass, actually. Mothers don’t leave their children. Babies are precious. They’re a gift. You don’t toss the gift just because you don’t like the package it comes in. You’re too forgiving. There are a lot of women out there that would adore you and Mattie.”
Gabe smiled. He obviously wasn’t used to receiving compliments.
“Yeah…they’re beating down the door to get in.”
“First, you have to take the invisible go away sign off the door so they know they’re welcome.”
“Still, I don’t really have an opportunity to meet women.”
“I know one.”
I smirked and he caught on quickly.
“Not that gun happy crazy Brit? I have enough troubles.”
“Her name is Kate and she’s amazing- a little outspoken, but she’s British, what can you expect? They have a dry sense of humor. You get used to it.”
“She is pretty,” he thought aloud, “Why is she here?”
“Her brother and I…well, he and I are involved. It’s complicated. Kate and I are best friends. We all went to college together. She came in after the funeral and is staying here indefinitely, it looks like.”
“What occupation has that kind of flexibility?”
“She’s a writer- magazine articles mostly, but she’s been working on a book for awhile.”
“That’s interesting.”
“You’d be doing me a favor if you asked her out. She doesn’t know anyone around here either and I know that I’m boring her to tears. She’s rude. She’ll tell me eventually. I’d rather