Bared Souls - Ellie Wade Page 0,79
get some paper plates, plastic silverware, and frozen dinners. At least there’s a built-in microwave. I can sleep on the floor. I have a blanket and pillow. It will be like camping. I don’t need a chair or TV. Most of the summer, I plan on working, and when I’m not, I can lean up against the wall and read.
Totally doable.
I haven’t heard from Amos, which sucks.
Quinn is on her way up to Northern Michigan with her dad, which is great for her but blows for me.
I’m feeling a little lonely and lost. I’m on summer break, so I don’t have any pressing homework, and I’m off work this weekend, something about Luca being overstaffed. So, I have nothing to keep my mind off of Leo.
It’s almost impossible not to think about him every second of the day, but with idle time on my hands, it’s hopeless. I’m not trying to be cruel or unfair to him. He deserves a solid answer. All of this I need time nonsense can’t go on forever. I’ve just been scared.
Amos was right about one thing. I’m stronger than this.
I already know my answer. My heart, body, and soul have been screaming it since the day I stopped by Leo’s home. I have to find the strength to tell him and be bold enough to face the consequences.
Grabbing my phone and keys, I lock up my new place and walk the block to Leo’s house.
With a steadying breath, I rap my knuckles against his door. He opens after a few seconds.
He releases a sigh, happy and relieved, and I feel it down in my soul. A smile graces his gorgeous face, and he steps to the side, inviting me in. I enter hesitantly.
The space looks the same, except for some new furniture. Just being here makes my chest ache. I’ve missed everything about this place, but mostly, I’ve missed the man standing before me.
“Can I get you something? Bottle of water?” he prods, a nervous energy surrounding his words.
“No, I’m fine.” I take a seat on the new sectional sofa.
“How are you?” he asks with genuine concern. “Exams? Work? An apartment?”
“Everything’s good. Passed everything with flying colors. Haven’t worked since the night you were in. Luca doesn’t need me this weekend. And I found an apartment—about a block from here actually. Speaking of my apartment, thank you for your tip. I’d offer to pay you back, but I know you won’t take it. It saved me though,” I admit.
As much as I wanted to march over to Leo’s house after he left me that tip, for the first time in weeks, I wasn’t stressing out about being homeless. He gave me the means to find a place.
“You’re welcome, and you’re right. You don’t owe me anything.”
“How are you?” I question, and we both know what I mean.
“Well, I’d be better if you forgave me and took me back, but to answer the question you’re asking, I’m good. I told you, it’s different this time. I’m going to keep putting in the work to live a healthy life.”
“What if we don’t get back together? Are you going to relapse?” I hate even asking the question, but I have to know.
“No, Alma, I’m not.” He sits down beside me and holds my hand between his. “You were right. I’ve suffered enough. I owe it to myself to try to live a normal life and be healthy and happy.”
“Really?” I swallow a lump in my throat.
“Really, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me or feel guilty if you don’t want to be with me.”
“I’ve been wondering something,” I say. “Remember on Christmas Day, how you kept making me promise? You kept saying, ‘Promise me.’ What did I promise?”
Leo looks down at his lap, taking a fortifying breath before his eyes return to me, bright and stunning and broken. “I wanted you to promise that you’d always love me and not for who you wanted me to be, but for who I really was. I wanted you to promise that you’d love me enough to stay. I knew I was breaking, and I wanted to know that you’d love me when I came out on the other side. Because, Alma, I am an addict and always will be. Recovering or not, that darkness will always be there. I’m far from perfect. I’ve been ruined and beat down. I have a temper. I’m moody. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I