Bared Souls - Ellie Wade Page 0,70
that? It’s not fair. I’d live my childhood over a hundred times if I could save Leo from his.
Forever seems to pass as I fall apart in Cat’s car. She doesn’t say anything else and allows me my grief. When my tears run dry and my chest physically aches from too much despair, I ask Cat to drive me the two blocks back to my dorm.
She pulls up alongside the walkway leading to the building.
“I’m sorry. I know that information broke your heart, but I love Leo. I want him to be happy, and I think you’re his shot.” Cat pats my knee.
“I have a lot to think about. I can’t promise anything.”
“I know, and you have to do what’s best for you. I understand that. But I can tell you that Leo is better than I’ve ever seen him. He’s putting in the work. He’s trying. People beat addiction. People survive horrible pasts.”
I nod and smile weakly. At least Leo has his sister-in-law to love him since he has the worst family in the world. I feel incredible gratitude toward her.
“Thank you for loving him.”
She sniffles and bobs her head as a tear falls. “He’ll be home on Saturday.”
“Okay,” I say before stepping out and closing the door. It’s not an answer, good or bad, just a word, but it’s all I have.
THIRTY-THREE
Alma
The rest of the week passes in slow motion. Every time I think about Leo, I start to cry. I’m sure my professors are worried about me at this point. I can’t help it. I’m an emotional wreck.
I met with Luca and apologized for skipping out on our dinner, promising that I’d pay him for the wasted food. He refused to take my money. Instead, we worked out my work schedule. I’ll be starting next week.
Amos has been busy with his end-of-the-year school load, so I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks. Quinn has been immersed in school and sorority activities, so she hasn’t been around much either. I’m grateful for the extra alone time. I need time to process all this. I’ve decided that I’m not telling anyone what Cat told me. It’s Leo’s history, and he wouldn’t want others knowing. I don’t blame him either.
I’ve gone back and forth all week on what I should do. Of course I want to run to him and hug and tell him that he’s loved. But I’m scared. A repeat of Christmas is inevitable, and I can’t make it through that again. If I know anything, it’s that you can’t change people. I could love Leo with every fiber of my being for the rest of my life, and I wouldn’t be able to change him.
I know myself enough to know what I deserve, and it’s not a life of loving an addict. We’ve been apart for over four months. I’m finally functioning. I just need to move on.
According to Cat, he came home today.
I need to move on.
I imagine him alone in that house, and I yearn to hold him.
I need to move on.
He has Cat and Ethan. He’ll be okay.
I need to move on.
We can’t be together. I know that deep down in my soul.
I need to move on.
I throw on my shoes and run out the door. I’m going to move on. I will. I just have to make sure he’s okay first.
His house looks different, though I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe it’s just for the simple fact that I haven’t looked this way since our last dance. I step up onto the front porch. Pulling in a fortifying breath, I knock.
A moment later, Leo opens the door.
He’s as beautiful as ever. He’s wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a black T-shirt that clings to his biceps. There’s a small amount of stubble on his square jaw, and it’s intoxicating. His blue eyes are bright and clear, content. He looks good and healthy.
“Hi,” I say.
He scans my body, as if he can’t believe I’m here. His eyes hold mine. “Hi.”
The silence between us is uneasy. Uncertainty taints the air. My body wants to go to him. Goose bumps pebble on my skin as I’m innately drawn toward him.
He shakes his head, as if breaking a trance, and steps to the side, allowing me entrance. “You can come in. I was just cleaning.”
“You’re cleaning?” I attempt a lame joke.
“Yeah, well, I left the place a mess.”
I step inside and look around. Random cushions are gone from the couch, and a