given me a look like that before. Women admired me. Men wanted to be me. My mother’s eyes beamed with such pride that it usually turned to tears. Everyone thought I had the world by a string—because I did. But not a single person spotted the loneliness, the emptiness, and the boredom.
No one had ever noticed what I hadn’t noticed myself.
Speechless, I held her gaze, thinking about those afternoons I smoked my cigar while hardly moving, reflecting on the moments I told my brother I was bored. He questioned my sanity. How could someone with so much power and wealth be bored? It was a question that didn’t have an answer. I never regretted everything I had or the sacrifices I made to achieve it, but it did seem like something was missing.
She didn’t display a victorious look in her eyes. She continued to stare at me like the conversation was continuing, just without words.
I forgot about my wine and everything else in the room around us. I was spending the evening with a beautiful woman, but my mind wasn’t on sex. It was the deepest conversation I’d ever had with another human being. Her intellect was dangerous, and her courage was even more startling. She was the only person in the world who didn’t care about the size of my wallet. Unintimidated, she treated me like I was anyone else. “We were very poor growing up. The kind of poor where going to the doctor was a luxury. My mother did hard labor to support us, shaving off years of her life so we could have food, clothes, and someplace safe to sleep. Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be rich. I never wanted to worry about my next meal, and I didn’t want my mother to have to put up with bullshit from other people. My ambition caught fire and never extinguished. Maybe money is evil, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Her knowing look slowly faded and was replaced by an emotional gleam. “That’s inspiring.”
“The worst part of being poor is being powerless. You’re at the mercy of other people. People are far more evil than money, and they’ll take advantage of you when you’re down. By holding all the money, I have all the power. Maybe I sleep with one eye open, but I also control everything around me.”
“It seems to me you’re in the same situation as before, just in reverse. You have to work hard to maintain your stature because everyone wants to take it from you. There’s a middle ground you’re overlooking. You can be wealthy and secure, but also disappear from the public eye. You can have everything you need—without looking over your shoulder all the time.”
The only reason I was patient with her was because I knew her background. Money had obviously destroyed her family. Her father kept playing with fire until someone hit him where it hurt—by killing his wife. Siena had the wisdom to turn her back on that lifestyle and settle for peace. To her, there was no other option. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“Is it?” The glow from the candles illuminated her features in the most beautiful way. Her emerald eyes reflected the white light, making them shine like Christmas ornaments in front of a fireplace. “Let me ask you one question. And you don’t have to give me an answer.”
Regardless of what her question was, I wouldn’t give her an answer.
She tilted her head slightly. “Are you happy, Cato?”
The definition of happiness was lost on me. My money made me feel secure. My power made me feel invincible. The women in my bed made me feel like a king. But happy…I wasn’t sure if I’d ever felt that before. The only thing close was seeing my mother comfortable and safe. Sometimes when I stopped by the house, I saw her tending to her garden, wearing a floppy sun hat as she got her hands dirty in the soil. She was at ease, reading by the window in the morning and then making me lemonade when I stopped by for a visit. Giving her a life she deserved was the only thing that ever made me feel anything. Everything else was just momentary highs. Making money was exhilarating, but after a few hours, the effect wore off. Making two women come before I finished ballooned my ego, but once the fun was over and we lay in bed, I was back to my calm