Baewatch - Xavier Neal Page 0,37

mood than the one my brother dragged me down into.

Soca, Reggaeton, Dancehall, and Kompa music have fused their way into my life courtesy of the lovely, island roots beauty whose hip movements are absolutely hypnotizing. I swear the second she stops worrying about possibly losing her balance or slipping off the beat, her body transforms into this unstoppable sexy tsunami that can knock me to my knees and have me begging to drown in all of her essence. Every time we dance, whether we’re in public or on my back patio, I’m swept away into a sea of salacity where I want to stay submerged until I’m suffocating, and she’s the only one who can give me mouth to mouth. While I still have personal favorites from the classics like Hendrix, Miles Davis, Clapton, Marley, Queen, Bowie along with shit from newer artists like 311, Dirty Heads, Sublime, and Incubus, there’s no denying the fact my tastes are expanding or how much I love that they are.

After fishing out the tiny pieces of eggshell that managed to make it into the bowl, I proceed with following the seemingly simple instructions I have pulled up on my phone for homemade crab cakes.

Figured why not.

We both love seafood.

We both eat the hell out of oysters and these whenever we go out.

Why not try it at home?

Can’t be that hard, right?

Success is easily had in the beginning. On opposite ends of the island counter, I create the two compounds that will eventually form one delicious creation. Each one is easy enough, even with me unsure about how exact my measurements are. Combining the two halves, mixing, and forming them into the patties is also child’s play. As soon as they’re in the oil, sizzling away, I lean against the counter edge near where my tablet is still stationed. The sight causes my brother’s early criticism to come doggy paddling back to the front of my mind.

Just because I haven’t been in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean I don’t understand them.

It doesn’t mean I’m incapable of it.

It doesn’t mean that there isn’t part of me that craves the constant companionship the shit offers.

Yeah, maybe, I subconsciously choose women who are more disposable than others, and yeah, maybe the one time I cared too hard and too much for someone it bit me in the ass like a pissed off shark who I was knowingly too close to, but that doesn’t mean I’m completely against doing it again or that I’m against the fact other people do it. I just believe it’s a lot like owning a board rather than renting one. If you’re going to put that much effort and energy and time into being invested in another person then they should be worth it. You should be able to feel that they are. Like you’re swimming in the same water. Sporting the same wetsuit. Riding the same wave.

So what if I refuse to settle for anything less?

That doesn’t make me unqualified to give out advice.

Or…does it?

No.

What I said was just common-sense shit.

Things he’d know if he wasn’t wasting his life trying to be an exact duplicate of our father like he’s some sort of broken off jellyfish tentacle determined to replicate its original form.

I’d bet my favorite boogie board that’s what he’s really pissed off about.

The fact I chose and continue to choose to be nothing like the head of the family.

That I have my own life away from the empty existence they’ve cultivated.

That the woman I have in my life is here because I want her to be, not because she’s obligated by prenups and pre-determined expectations.

The sudden urge to cough creeps up causing me to casually bend my elbow to do so.

I snap my attention away from the single spot I had been mindlessly staring at over to the pan producing the thick clouds of smoke and shout, “Oh shit!”

My body is barely given the chance to move before the smoke detector begins informing me of the situation. The sharp screeching announcement startles Houndrix into howling in horror, which swiftly tears me in two as I oscillate between rushing to soothe him and smothering out the reason he’s crying. More and more smoke crowds the kitchen prompting my cell phone to buzz with what I imagine is an announcement from my stupid system, alerting me of the obvious issue.

Houndrix’s yapping complaints to the noise grow in intensity despite my offhanded attempts to calm him.

“What?!” I bark back over his outrage. “What