Bad Engagement (Billionaire's Club #10) - Elise Faber Page 0,38

hand came up, palm out. “I heard you, Katie,” she said. “Believe me. I heard every single fucking word and the absolute bullshit that is lacing them together. Yes, you might have been guilty of falling for people too quickly every once in a while, but who hasn’t fallen harder than the person you’re seeing and gotten hurt—”

“That’s not what I mean—”

“And further that, maybe you’ve dated some freaking douchebags, but again, who hasn’t?” Heidi said, talking over her. “Everyone I know has gone through plenty of assholes before they realized they wanted something more, something different.”

“Except—”

“Except, what? You were stupid and didn’t understand your worth?” Heidi took a sip of wine. “Welcome to the club. We’ve all been a little stupid in love now and then.”

“I don’t think I understand—”

Plink. The cup settled onto the granite. “I do, honey,” Heidi murmured. “I do understand. You’ve done an A-plus job at picking losers, but I’ve also seen you with good men, but ones who just aren’t compatible with you, personality or lifestyle or otherwise. That doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. That makes you normal at this whole dating thing.”

“Heidi.”

“Steve Hollen.”

“What?”

“He was a good guy. Nice. You saw him for three months. You two broke up because he moved to the East Coast. Not an asshole.”

“I—”

“Berkeley Anders. Six dates. Good kisser. Fun to hang out with. But you stopped seeing him because he wanted to go out all the time and you wanted to be home more. Also, not an asshole.”

“He—”

“Was a little hurt when you broke it off, yes, and didn’t want to continue being friends.” Heidi rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t happen in real life, no matter how sweet you are inside. I know you joke about your asshole superpower, but you don’t have one, Kate. What you do have is the ability to give glimpses to that big, wonderful heart of yours, but then to shut anyone out who wants to reach for it.”

“That’s not—”

“Fair? Maybe.” Heidi shrugged. “But it’s also true. A few months ago, Thompson Arnold. He was boring. Three dates. You never went on a fourth. Not an asshole. And if you want me to keep going, I can circle all to college. Keith Black. Senior year. Totally into you. Took you on at least ten dates and bought you roses and wanted to sync up on his post-grad with your internship so he could keep seeing you.” Heidi walked over, held her stare. “Also, not an asshole, but you cut him loose.”

Kate’s pulse thundered, the memories surrounding her, memories she’d suppressed. Heidi and her list were right. She had seen Keith and Thompson and Berkeley and Steve and frankly more, but she’d never really let them in. “I’m the asshole,” she murmured.

“No,” Heidi said on a laugh. “You’re not. You have that big heart, the one that draws everyone in, but you’re really good at giving, at helping, at jumping in if someone has a crisis. You’re great at loving everyone else.” She tapped the spot over Kate’s heart. “Except, yourself. Because as much as you give, you never really open yourself up enough to truly trust or rely on another person.”

“I—”

“Trust on your family, your friends?” Heidi nodded. “Yeah, you do. But even then, you make it hard sometimes, babe. You want to take care of us, but if we try to help you in return, you do the capable thing and push us away.”

“I’m not—” She broke off, eyes stinging.

“The hole in your roof Cora’s brother offered to fix? Walking home when you got a flat instead of calling us? Being sick as a dog and taking care of yourself instead of calling me or your mom or Cora—”

“The baby—”

“I know, Katie,” Heidi said gently. “There’s always a logical reason for not. But . . . you need to think if it’s really logic that’s having you do it all yourself, having you help everyone else, but not accepting that same care in return.”

Fuck. Kate had the sinking sensation her friend was right.

“I know you’re not trying to hurt us,” Heidi murmured, reaching for her hand. “I don’t know why you think you have to do it all yourself when we have your back, will always have it, but I can get needing to hold things close to your chest.” A squeeze. “But consider, I’ve known you for a decade-plus, and I don’t understand why you build the walls, why you keep me out of the inner sanctum of