Bad Boy (An Indecent Proposal) - J.C. Reed Page 0,64
was just a lie. Now I wasn’t so sure about it.
“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” I whispered.
He remained silent as he turned his attention to the ocean. “It is if you keep insisting that you want a divorce. How are we supposed to grow as a couple when you want me to stay away from you.”
“We can’t ever be a couple, Chase,” I said with more fervor than I felt.
He shook his head, suddenly angry. “I can. It’s you who can’t so please speak for yourself. If things were different, if I didn’t have to do what I have to do about Clint—”
“Then I’d date you for real,” I whispered. “I’d want to be with you, but this…what we have now…what you have to do for yourself….it can’t work. You know it. It’s just not possible. I can’t forgive you.”
My eyes filled with tears, but they didn’t flow.
He frowned. “Are you implying that you’re ready to date others?”
“It means you’re free to do what you want to do. If you fuck others, you’re free to do so.” I threw him a sideways glance, my heart both burning and bleeding at the thought.
“I can’t do that.”
I smiled. “You can. You will.”
“The feelings I have for you won’t let me.”
“Give it a few months and you’ll change your mind,” I said bitterly.
“Can we stay in touch during the trial?” Chase asked. The change in topic didn’t escape my attention, but I let it pass. “It doesn’t even have to be face to face.”
“No.”
“Laurie,” he whispered. “Just because I’m helping my brother and just because I don’t want to be in love with you doesn’t mean we shouldn’t see each other.”
“I can’t do it.” I shook my head more firmly than I wanted. “It’s not healthy for us.” I met his fiery glance as I continued, “Work out what you have to do. If by the end of it you still feel strongly for me, let me know. But until then, there’s not a chance in hell for us. Trust me, it’s better this way. It’s better for us. I need the distance, and you need it, too.” I forced a weak smile to my lips. “If you love me like I love you, please let me go, but not before—” My words died on my lips, my voice quivering.
“What can I do?”
I smiled again. “Make love to me. Give me something before you go.”
“Fine.” His fingers curled around mine and he helped me up. “Let’s be clear. I won’t give up on you. Irrespective of what you think, my feelings for you are real. The sooner you accept it, the better.”
“Don’t make promises.” I lifted on my toes to place a kiss on his lips. “Make sure to remember me.”
He tasted of summer and wind, of the kind of sweet happiness I could never have.
I smiled even though inside I was breaking.
Whatever we had, it was about to come to an end.
Today would be the last time I’d see him. I’d kiss him one last time before he’d move on. Find someone else. Someone more beautiful. More like him. Someone who’d help him forget me.
“I will, Laurie,” he whispered. “I’ll always remember you.”
Chapter 22
I had always believed in first love. Chase had been my first love. What I didn’t believe was that first love ever lasted. Chase would move on, I was sure of that. I was also sure that fairy tales only existed in movies and books. That it was all in my mind—the emotions, albeit contradictory ones, the wavering decision not to go after him while forcing myself to stay.
When I had told Chase I wanted a divorce, I had been sure I was doing the right thing for us. That I’d be avoiding the awkward breakup that always comes no matter how great a relationship is at the beginning.
Had I made the wrong decision?
It was early afternoon when Chase left. I could still feel his kiss on my forehead; I could still hear the steps when he departed, and the sound of the door when it closed after him.
Pretending to be asleep was much easier than I anticipated. I wanted to avoid the awkward goodbye, the awful silence, and the embarrassing moment of having to stop my tears from falling, but not quite being able to. I thought saying goodbye before his actual departure and then seeing him leave would be easy, and yet I realized nothing about Chase was ever easy.
I had wanted to