Bad Boy (An Indecent Proposal) - J.C. Reed Page 0,60

is no ‘us.’ There can’t be. What you have to do…I understand, but I can’t do it with you.” I squeezed his hand. “Please let me go. There’s no point in believing there could ever be more between us. My heart’s not in it. It never will be. You’re not the kind of person I’d ever want in my life.”

Which was a lie. The pressure behind my eyes intensified. I had to finish this once and for all before I broke down and he saw through the mess inside me, right into my bleeding heart.

He stared at me for one hard moment.

“Laurie—”

“No, I’m serious. I want to annul it.” I took a shaky breath and let it out. “You can have my inheritance. No hard feelings, but please, don’t expect me to stay married to you. Please,” I begged, closing my eyes. “Just sign the papers.”

“You can’t annul something you’ve consummated. Besides, I can’t,” he whispered. “We have a contract.”

My heart sank. “You can cancel it, Chase. No one forces you.”

“I could but I don’t want to,” he said softly. “The risk is too great. In order to win, I need you to be my wife. I need the situation to be…”

“Convincing.” I nodded. “I understand, but I don’t want to live with you.”

“Why are you doing this?” he asked.

I closed my eyes, feeling despair, hopelessness, and sadness washing over me. “I can’t live with you. I can’t see you every day.” I opened my eyes again.

“Why?” Chase asked. “There are so many things I want for us. I want to wake up next to you. I want to see you every day. I won’t let the past break us apart.”

I shook my head again. “I cannot deal with the pressure, nor a trial. I cannot face it. You’ll never be the person I—”

I fell in love with.

I broke off, keeping that part to myself.

“No,” he said forcefully. “I want to know why you want to stay away from me.”

“Because…” I struggled choosing my words. “I can’t get involved with you again.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to get more emotionally attached than I already am. Okay? Stop asking me such questions, I can’t answer them,” I said angrily. “Just accept that I wouldn’t be proud of myself.”

“Laurie.” He sounded genuinely shocked. “I won’t give you a divorce.”

“Yet,” I added.

“No.” He shook his head. “I won’t agree to a divorce at all. Not now, not tomorrow, nor when the trial’s over.”

I stared at him. “Why?”

“I don’t want to lose you.” His words came out low, and for a moment I wasn’t sure I had heard him right.

I frowned. “Look, you don’t have to lie, Chase. It was a business proposition. Nothing more. You wanted revenge, I wanted the letters. There is no need for you to pretend that there was more between us.”

“I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.” His lips swept over my cheek, his nose brushing mine, as he whispered in my ear, “When I said I like you, what I really meant isn’t that I want to fuck you, or that we’re great friends. I’m saying that I really want to be with you. Every minute I see you, I fall in love with you even more, and I know you can feel it, too. Don’t pretend there’s nothing between us because you’re lying to yourself.”

I shook my head. A tear trickled down my cheek. “What we had was nice, but it wasn’t real. None of this is.”

“What about our feelings?” he asked, moving back.

Our feelings.

I smiled bitterly.

Not real.

Not his feelings, nor mine.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to love.” I looked up at him. “As for you, if you really love me, if only a little bit, you’ll let me go. You’ll stop asking to see me. You’ll stop contacting me.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re not ready,” he said.

I shook my head. “No, Chase. Please listen to what I’m telling you. I don’t want to love you. What we have—had—will pass. There’s no point in believing there could ever be more. That…” I broke off, the pain too heavy.

For a long moment, there was silence.

“Okay,” he said. His expression was pained, but it was nothing compared to what I was feeling inside. “Okay.” His fingers settled beneath my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I’m going to let you go, Laurie, but I want you to know that I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll wait until you’re ready for my love.” I