Bad Boy (An Indecent Proposal) - J.C. Reed Page 0,12
marriage, heck my whole life, it’s all become too much. I never had peace. I realized that today. I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Of course you know who you are.”
“No, I don’t,” I said, meaning every word of it. “I’m Laurie Hanson, this much I know because it’s my name, but I have no home. No place to stay. My parents are dead. I have no family.”
“I’m your family, Laurie. You know that.”
I hesitated. How could I possibly explain it to her when it took me such a long time to realize it myself? “I know. You’re my adopted family. You’re also my best friend—the best I could ever have. But you can’t help me when I have to find myself. This thing with Chase...I have to make peace with it. Everything in my life was built on struggles and survival. It’s not a very stable foundation for the future. I can’t continue like this. I have to stop being naïve.”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Her question came out of nowhere. The air I thought I was holding came out in one big swoosh.
“I…What?” I frowned. “Of course I’m not in love with him.” My voice came out too high-pitched, the lie obvious.
“Laurie.” Jude’s voice was soft. “I’m your friend, not your enemy. You can tell me anything. You know that. I might scold, but I’ll never judge.”
I turned my face to the window and gazed at the sky for a few moments.
Yes, there had been a time when I thought I could be in love with Chase.
And there had been a time when I thought he could fall in love with me, too.
A tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away angrily, but a few more took its place.
I wasn’t crying out of pity for myself.
I was crying to cleanse my heart. I was crying to get rid of everything that had been eating away at it.
“I don’t love him, Jude. Period. You won’t ever hear me say it, so stop asking. Besides, what’s the point in talking about it anyway? It’s over. We’re done.”
“He hurt you, and you feel the need to be alone. I get that,” she whispered. “But at least let me see you. It’s not a good time for you to be alone. I’m going to ask the producers to give me a few days off. We’ll take a vacation together.”
“No.” I shook my head vehemently, even though she couldn’t see it. “I really need to be on my own, Jude. I need this break, if only to find myself. To think things through. I don’t think I’m strong enough to return to L.A. and face reality just yet. I’m not strong enough to read my mom’s letters just yet, or face more struggles.”
“You really haven’t read them yet?” She sounded unconvinced.
“No. I couldn’t,” I admitted. “I feel like I need to be in a different frame of mind to read them. It’s not the right time. It’s not something I can do right now.”
“I understand,” Jude said.
“You do?”
“Yes. And I’m sorry, Laurie.” She paused, as though there was more she wanted to say, but didn’t know how. “It’s all my fault. If—”
“No. Don’t,” I cut her off. I couldn’t hear another apology, another ‘if only.’ “I’m as much to blame as you. If I didn’t get involved with him and sign the contract, this would never have happened.”
“I’m still sorry. I had no idea he was after your money. If I had known, I would never have given him your necklace.”
My heart stopped.
I sucked in my breath, my stomach clenching. “You gave him my mom’s necklace?”
“I’m sorry, Laurie,” she said again. Her voice broke. Was she crying? “He said he wanted to get you a gift and asked me about your favorite kind of jewelry. I said it was your mother’s, and that the necklace was broken, and it was his idea to have it repaired, so I gave it to him. I’m going to call him straight away and ask for it.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Don’t contact him. Please.”
“But, it’s your mom’s necklace,” she protested.
“I know.” My whole chest hurt. I closed my eyes and took a few shaky breaths, feeling as though there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. “I’d rather we stayed away from him.”
“I’ll get it back without talking. Okay? I promise.”
I pressed my lips into a tight line. “I don’t want you to do anything, Jude. I don’t know who he’s involved with, but