caused so much shit to rain down on my head? It is a shit storm."
She felt so frustrated she wanted to scream, to knock somebody out, to be knocked out. She waved her arms and bits of lamb flew off the tongs. "My life is a shit storm of men leaving, except you, who are apparently still attached. To a goddamn French chef. It’s like I might forget that I am just a housewife and apparently a loser at that, but god forbid should I think I could move forward, be something else, because here’s a funny reminder… I’m actually just the generic version of a goddamn French gourmet woman. And, even better news, I’m cheaper and hardly any maintenance at all. Really, I’ll just be waiting, thank you, for anything you can manage while the name brand version - Merci, Amour - is busy. And is she ever busy? She doesn’t seem to do a goddamn thing around here, but that’s okay because I’m just a student. I’m at least five years older than she is, but I’m just a student because I don’t know anything. I’ve just spent my life making sure third grade math homework got done and Steve had clean underwear and that’s all. Nothing to be rewarded for, certainly, but who in the Hell knew it was something you got punished for?"
She stood breathing as heavily as if she’d run up a mountain, her lungs aching from the effort of it. Then, the worst, she felt the quicksilver shift of her mood and knew tears were coming. Nothing was going to make her shed even one in front of him. She darted for the door but heard his steps behind her. He cut her off and stood between her and the exit, his face so familiar, the good and the bad, she wanted to have never, ever met him. He took one good look at her face and stepped aside.
Running down the hallway, she kept her head down across campus, and made it into the dorm elevator. She pressed the button, but by the time she reached her floor, the tears had come, and she could barely see her own door. She’d left her bag and key in the kitchen and hoped Missy had left the door unlocked. She groped for the knob, felt relieved when it turned. She aimed for her bed, lay face down, and cried until she fell asleep.
"Mom? Mom."
Gwen felt the sway of her body, back and forth. It felt good and comforting, like being rocked.
"Mom!"
She tried to open her eyes, but they were gritty and swollen. In a crush of memory, the afternoon and the first forty years of her life came back to her, and she closed them again. She just wanted to go back to where she’d been, unconscious.
"Mom!"
The one word that could bring her back even from the dead. She made a genuine effort, and lifted her lids, adding, for Missy’s benefit, a smile she didn’t feel. "Hi, sweetheart." She heard the hoarseness in her voice and cleared her throat.
Missy scooted her over and sat on the edge of the bed. Gwen felt Missy’s hand rest hard on her shoulder. "What happened, Mom? Are you alright? I just saw Grandma. Should I get her?"
Yeah, in a crisis, Ellen would help. She scrunched her face in the pillow, a soft, cotton escape, but Missy rolled her back over. Some things, like your life, you couldn’t escape with a pillow. She considered that for a second. You couldn’t escape with a pillow unless someone held it real tight over your face. "Grandma’s immobilized. Your father’s gone. You’re grown. Max cheated with me. I’m fine."
It took her breath away, her stupidity. She’d once been young and stupid, but so were lots of people. That’s why it was such a popular expression. And while young and stupid had broken her heart, it hadn’t held the colossal embarrassment being an old fool did.
"I’m grown?" Missy smiled in surprise then frowned. "Max cheated with you?" She shook her head. "Wow, I did not see that coming."
"That’s two of us. He’s been with Chef Gaspard for years apparently."
"No shit?"
"No shit."
"Did you, you know, sleep with him?"
She cringed. She’d kept everything neat and tidy for Missy and there was her daughter, witness to her personal disaster of a non-existent sex life. "No, I did not." There may have been a little foreplay and some actual sleeping, but no. She had that going for her.