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television to happen so calmly and efficiently. At three in the afternoon all Jodie's friends arrived, bearing gifts, and the filming was a breeze.

On Tuesday they moved to Riverdale to discuss recipes with George the chef, who was full of clever ideas: pink and blue heart-shaped cookies; nutritious spring rolls folded over to look like a blanket in a crib; pacifiers made of two Life Savers—stuck together with a jelly bean in the middle and a ribbon attached.

Wednesday they filmed at a smart penthouse apartment on 68th and Park. The wife was married to a wealthy banker, and, despite her apparent joy at the impending arrival of their first baby, Julia had the distinct impression that she never saw her husband. All the money in the world—they clearly had a significant chunk of it—couldn't alleviate a deep unhappiness. This was only confirmed when her friends arrived, all of them stick-thin with tiny bellies, immaculately groomed and dressed in exquisite clothes, terrified of putting on any excess weight in case their husbands might find them unattractive and leave them for a younger, thinner model.

Thursday was Elle and Uma, both of whom were professional and charming, neither of whom were, Julia realized, destined to become her best friends, but nonetheless it was an enormous thrill to be leaning against the windowsill in Elle Macpherson's apartment, watching her play with her little boy as she talked about her own baby shower.

Friday was the final day of filming. Out in Great Neck, Long Island, it was a thirty-five-year-old woman who had published a book of her friends' tips, given to her at her own baby shower, and then collected at subsequent baby showers. Her baby, Alicia, was now eighteen months old. Julia fell in love at first sight.

Alicia followed Julia around during filming, toddling awkwardly over to her, holding out her arms and demanding cuddles. If Julia sat down, Alicia would put her little arms around Julia's legs and lean her head on her thigh, sucking her thumb as she watched all the mayhem in her mother's house.

She was divine. Julia picked her up and cuddled her and covered her with kisses as she squealed and giggled.

“I can't believe how much she's taken to you.” Jackie—Alicia's mother—smiled fondly as Julia played with her daughter. “You said you didn't have children, but you look like you're really ready.”

Julia put Alicia down gently on the floor and smiled at Jackie. “You know what? I thought I was really ready too. I tried for nearly a year to get pregnant with my partner, but it didn't happen.”

“Oh, I'm so sorry.” Jackie is mortified.

“Don't be. I'm not. I thought at the time that the only thing that mattered to me was having a baby, but now I know it wasn't the right time. And it wasn't the right man.”

Jackie nods. “Your husband?”

“No. My long-term boyfriend.”

“I take it you're no longer together?”

“Not really. I came to New York just to get some space, but I've realized it's not working anymore. I know he knows it too, we just have to sit down and say the words out loud to one another.”

“That's tough.” Jackie nods thoughtfully. “But you know, you can't underestimate the importance of a strong relationship when you have children. I know too many people who've tried to use a child to steady a rocky relationship, and all it does is throw it off balance completely.”

“Did you have a strong relationship with your husband?”

“Thank God, yes, or we wouldn't have survived it. Nobody can really make you understand what the first year is like when you have a child. They tell you but you just can't understand until you go through it. The sleepless nights, the feeling of being trapped, the loss of self. I hated my husband for the first year. I resented him not understanding what I did. He'd go to work every day and then come back and just want to read the paper, and I'd be furious, because I'd been with the baby all day and up most of the night, and I knew he could never be as exhausted as me.

“I was way too tired to have sex, and we spent a year bickering and being nasty to one another. I'd lie in bed every night thinking, There's always divorce.”

“It sounds horrific.”

“It was. But you know what? Almost every new mother I know goes through the same thing. They all had a horrific first year, and none of them was prepared. All I