I don’t care. Whatever we are, it’s perfect. What do you think?”
“I’m new at this. Was that fast?”
He chuckled and adjusted their bodies more comfortably on the bed. He was strong enough to move her without effort. “We’ll have to do it a lot more, since I don’t have that much experience, either.”
“You’re really good at it. Maybe too good.”
“I did read a lot of books about sex. The Do’s and Don’ts of Her Pleasure was one of my favorites. It had photos and diagrams. What we just did was in chapter six. I used to patrol in the guest library to snatch a few books and take them back to my bunk to read while I was off shift.”
“That must have been a great chapter. I liked what you did so much. We don’t have books that cover sex in our libraries.”
“No?”
“Our library book budget comes from the school.”
“How do you learn about sex, then?”
“Mothers have talks with their daughters. Fathers speak to their sons.” She suddenly laughed. “She didn’t tell me about oral sex. I learned about that from my friend Susan, in our last year of school. She had an off-worlder boyfriend who’d done that to her, to get her to have sex with him. I thought it was gross. It’s really, really not.”
“No, it’s not.”
She wiggled closer to him and peered into his eyes. He did look at her like he had feelings for her. There was a tenderness there. It made her long for something she couldn’t have—and a piece of her heart cracked.
That was the exact second she had her answer. She felt it bone deep, too. There was no doubt.
“What’s wrong? You suddenly look sad.”
Tears flooded her eyes. “I’m a bad person.”
He rolled them back over, pinning her under him again. “No, you’re not. Please don’t say you regret what we just did.”
“Never.”
He used his elbows to hold his weight, freeing his hands to tenderly brush her hair away from her face. He leaned in close. “You are not a bad person. Why would you even say that?”
“I look at you and want to be selfish.”
“How?”
“Why does life have to be so unfair sometimes?”
“I don’t know. What’s wrong, Hailey? Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to say goodbye to you.” She choked up. “I want to hear more about those chapters you read, and try all that stuff with you. But we’re not going to have that kind of time together. I want us to, though. I love you, Blade. I’ve fallen in love with you…and that makes me a bad person.”
“Baby, I love you, too. There’s nothing bad about it. It’s wonderful.”
“I look at you and I want to be selfish so badly, by asking if you’d consider making me your wife. But it would kill my parents. What kind of daughter would abandon them? I asked you to kiss me, and now here we are. This is all my fault. I don’t even deserve you. I know you’d come home with me if you were able to, giving up everything. I should be able to do the same. Instead, I’m torn.”
He lowered his forehead until it rested against hers, then closed his eyes.
“I’ve hurt you, haven’t I? I should have kept silent. I’m sorry.”
He lifted his head and opened his eyes. “I want to be selfish, too. If that makes you bad, I’m worse.”
“That’s not true. You’re amazing.”
“You feel bad because to be with me, you’d have to leave your parents. But being with me actually means having to give up your home, your family, and motherhood—yet I still want to beg you to stay. I would marry you in an instant, Hailey. I want to keep you here with me. I’d do anything and everything to make it up to you every day, because I’d know you’d lost so much to be with me. It wouldn’t be possible, but I’d try my best.”
Hot tears slipped down her face.
His eyes teared up, too. “I’m glad you asked me to kiss you. I wouldn’t change anything. We found love, baby. I never thought I would. Every minute we have is precious, and it will be enough to last me for the rest of my life. It has to be.” He rapidly blinked. “You’re perfect, and I love everything about you. That’s why I’m going to let you go home.”
“Blade…”
He rolled them again and held her tightly. “It’s going to be okay. We have some time together. We’ll make the most of it.”