was gentle and soft with me. Yes, he’s harsh and unyielding, cocky and arrogant, but I discovered today that he’s also tender. It’s made him even more irresistible, and I never would have thought that possible. The way he looked at me. The torn expression on his face, like he was wrestling with an unconquerable opponent. I could be different?
I look at Lucy and she smiles as she drops her half-eaten salad into a bin. ‘I’ll be okay,’ I say lamely. Lucy isn’t daft, and even though we haven’t known each other long, she gets that I need to put the earlier events at the very back of my mind.
‘Good.’ She rubs her hands together. ‘Because tonight we’re out.’
‘What do you mean, out?’
‘Like out, out. Proper out. I have VIP entry to a new club up west called Piper’s. You game?’
‘Yes.’ I nod decisively, not needing to think twice. This is what London’s about. Freedom, fun and liberation. ‘I could do with a drink.’
‘Fab.’ She grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop, and I frown when her nose wrinkles in distaste. ‘Um . . .’ She steps back. ‘I think your new friend is about to take a dump.’
‘What?’ I look down to Winston, finding him squatting. ‘Oh, no.’
‘You know you’re gonna have to pick that up, right?’
‘What with?’ I slap my hand over my mouth when Winston looks up at me, his whole body shaking with the strain.
‘Don’t tell me you came out to walk a dog without a poop bag?’
‘I had other things on my mind.’ I look around the park, desperately searching for another dog walker. There’s no one. ‘Fucking hell,’ I curse, glancing down at Winston, who has now finished doing his business and is sitting at my feet with a pile of steaming hot poo next to him. ‘Damn,’ I mutter. He looks pleased with himself.
‘I’d ask for a pay rise,’ Lucy titters, and my shoulders drop, defeated, as I lower myself to unbearable levels, heading over to a rubbish bin.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. ‘I cannot believe I’m doing this,’ I whimper to myself. I’m in a lovely black dress with matching heels and a mac, and I’m about to rummage through a public bin – like a vagrant – to find something suitable to scoop up my sinful boss’s dog’s excrement. I really have reached an all-time low.
Once Winston is settled in his dog basket in the kitchen, I scrub my hands until they’re sore and oversee the collection of the Rembrandt by the restorers, then I take a moment to evaluate my situation. I need to be a grown-up. I need to get a grip and stop with the dangerous games. I need to clear the air and be rid of the awkwardness before it goes too far. If it hasn’t already. ‘Yes,’ I say to myself.
‘Yes what, dear?’
I turn to see Mrs Potts scanning the kitchen for who I might be talking to.
‘Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself.’ I wave a hand flippantly in the air, brushing off her curiosity, but before I can stop it, the question that’s plaguing my mind just spills right out. ‘Why is Becker in therapy?’
Mrs Potts shoots me a worried look, and I find myself rushing to go on.
‘I heard Mr H telling Becker to call his therapist.’
Her lips purse, her violet curls shifting as she shakes her head and goes to the pile of carrots I left for her, starting to scoop them into a large saucepan. ‘He struggles.’
‘With what?’ I don’t know why I’m asking. I heard plain and clear when Mr H yelled at him while I was hiding in the cupboard. I think I’m simply looking for validation. Trying to support the compassion I’m starting to feel for him.
She sighs. ‘With his parents’ deaths. First his mum in the car accident, and then his father. It’s a lot for a young man to deal with.’
I fold a little on the inside with the confirmation. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You mustn’t speak of it,’ she orders sternly, and I nod my understanding. ‘He has an unhealthy way of dealing with things, and Donald hopes Dr Vass can help him work through that.’
‘Women?’ I broach tentatively.
‘Among other things. He has a fear of affection. Doesn’t like getting attached. He keeps things simple, hence the fast turnover of women.’ She fires up the hob, effectively ending our conversation.
I accept the hint graciously, but wince as I turn and make my way from the room. Fast