him to be sure he can see my resolve, as well as hear it. ‘That was a waste of a gesture.’
Is that hurt I see in his eyes? Yes, it’s definitely hurt. Oh my days, he really did expect me to shower him in appreciation. What does he take me for? Just because he fancies a different woman tonight, and I’m the lucky girl, he expects me to melt and swoon all over him? I feel my anger simmering. It’ll boil over soon.
‘It wasn’t a gesture,’ he says. ‘I meant it. Honestly, I never want to see her again.’
I laugh out loud, staggered. ‘Honestly?’ I mimic. ‘With all due respect, Becker, I just spent the day watching you lie to hundreds of people. I watched that poker face of yours fool everyone. So please don’t talk to me about honesty.’ I pull my arm from his grip. ‘And at the same time, you used me as a pawn.’ I storm past him. ‘I have more respect for myself than to be at your beck and call.’
‘You’re not a pawn, Eleanor,’ he shouts after me, but I keep walking on a huff of disbelief. Sure I wasn’t. ‘Goddamn it!’ He lands in front of me, blocking the way to my door. ‘You’re not a pawn, and I really need you to know that.’
‘Then what the hell am I, Becker? Please tell me. An employee? An accomplice? A lay?’
His jaw pulses under the fierce bite of his teeth. I’m even more furious that my question angers him. I’ve never met such an obtuse man in my life. ‘You are not a fucking lay,’ he says. ‘You’re the fucking queen of the chess board, Eleanor. Superior to all. Got it?’
I withdraw, blinking.
‘I didn’t take you to Countryscape to use you,’ he yells. ‘You want honesty, I’ll give you honesty.’ He cups my cheeks and brings his face close to mine. ‘I took you because I have an annoying fucking urge to let you in.’
‘What?’ I step away, and this time he doesn’t close in on me.
Becker sighs, closing his eyes briefly. ‘I took you to Countryscape because I want you to see what no one else sees.’
‘Why?’ I murmur mindlessly, and he smiles mildly.
‘Because you like me in a way no one has liked me before.’
Oh God. There he is. The young man who is craving acceptance. The man who doesn’t want to end up alone. But . . . ‘I don’t like you.’ Lies.
‘You really do need to work on that poker face, princess,’ he says on an ironic laugh, glancing away as he pinches the bridge of his nose. He sighs. ‘You love my passion, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love yours.’
I also need to work on my willpower, because I can feel my walls beginning to crumble. I can feel my heart shouting louder than my head. I need to get out of here. ‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow,’ I say, skirting past him quickly.
‘That’s it?’ he asks, bewildered.
‘That’s it,’ I say. ‘You said yourself it should never have happened. You need to remember why.’
‘I can’t remember a damn thing when you’re around, Eleanor.’
‘Then try,’ I shout, glancing up to my apartment window, thinking about the quiet, lonely space beyond it. Quiet is good. Lonely is good. I need some space to kick my mind back into line before Becker captures my foolish side again. But my thoughts are cut short, as well as my steps, as I wonder if I’m seeing right.
‘What is it?’ Becker says, picking up on my unease. I look back blankly at him, seeing a face awash with concern. ‘Eleanor, what?’
He joins me, and I look up again. ‘My window,’ I go to point, but my arm refuses to unwrap from around my midriff. ‘It’s . . .’ I trail off when I register my window is closed. ‘Oh.’ Now I’m frowning. It was open.
‘What about your window?’ Becker prompts, pulling my puzzled face away from the building. He’s frowning too.
I shake my head, dismissing my mistake. ‘It looked open. I must have been seeing things.’
‘You don’t sound sure.’ He glances up to the building and runs his eyes from left to right a few times, checking for himself.
‘It’s dark. I wouldn’t see my hand if I held it up in front of me.’ And I’m certainly not thinking straight right now. I turn and make my way up the path, keen to escape the cold. As well