The Art of Being Emily - Katie MacAlister Page 0,94

way. It's a shame, really, because other than his mind going, he is still droolworthy...in an older man sort of way.

“Erm...where the girls will be safe, that is,” he added, winking at Aunt Tim. “From rats and the like.”

I wrinkled up my nose. Rats! Ew to the third power!

Tomorrow is our trip to Urquhart Castle, yay! This morning I started work on Ruaraidh’s sweater, but I think something is wrong with Aunt Tim’s knitting book, or the directions have to be translated because I’m from the US or something, because so far all I have is a long line of knots on my pretty steel blue knitting needle. I don’t see how I’m supposed to double back on the knots, you know, the actually knitting part. It just keeps going on and on and on. I’m going to wait until Holly is taking her bath, then look at what she’s done. She’s got like four inches already! Meh!

So, enough about me, tell me what happened when you and Heather went to the Love Shoppe. Did they throw you out like that time you and I snuck in, and laughed at all the vibrating things? Did you see the wombat fur nipple covers that I told you about? If they’re not too expensive, could you pick me up a pair and send them to me? It’s cold here, I think fur nipple covers might come in handy.

Hugs and kisses,

~Em

Subject: I have pig eyes!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: 4 January 7:07 pm

I was in the bathroom after dinner, and I looked in the mirror, and I just realized that I have teeny, tiny, squinty little piggy eyes! OMG! What am I going to do?

There's nothing to do but keep my eyes opened up really wide all the time.

Hugs and kisses,

~Em

Subject: Pig Eyes, Part Two

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: 4 January 7:19 pm

I just went downstairs to see what everyone was doing, and Aunt Tim asked me if I'd seen a ghost or something.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Your eyes are bugging out like you've seen something frightening,” she said.

Bugging out? Wah! I HATE MY EYES!

Bug-eyed hugs and kisses,

~Em

Subject: re: That editor is *so* screwed!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: 6 January 9:12 pm

Dru wrote:

and when I got the copy of my article back, the editor—Sue Mallory, you remember her—had changed the word “God” to “Crod”! She said it was a spellchecker error. Isn't that too funny? OHMICROD! Hahahahahahahah!

Well, first off, where does Sue M. come off editing your article? It's the school newspaper, for Pete's sake, not Salon.com or the Seattle Times or something! And since your article was about freedom of speech and censorship, I think it's really wrong for her to be changing stuff around. And spellchecker error? What kind of word is Crod that it would change it to that? I think she changed it just so you'd look stupid!

But yeah, that is a hoot. Crod! Heh heh heh.

Glad you guys had fun at the naughty shop. I miss doing stuff like that with you! I have Holly here, but she's just not the run into an adult shop and mock the vibrating things kind of girl, you know what I mean? Anyway, I'm not going to say anything bad about her despite her being waaaaaay too competitive over Ruaraidh, because she showed me what was going wrong with my knitting last night, and didn't once say anything about why I couldn't seem to stop knitting one long chain of knots, even though she must have known that I had fibbed a bit about knowing how to do it.

And speaking of Holly, I've been thinking about her. I've told you what she's like—she's very shy, and doesn't talk much, and is kind of intimidated by stuff, so this business with her talking more and volunteering to do things with Ruaraidh is definitely out of character. Maybe being around me has made her more self-confident? I hope so, because she really is nice, and has been borderline cool for the last couple of months, she just doesn't know it.

The castle thing sounds...well, I have to say, Em, it doesn't sound very you. I mean, castles are old! They're historical! I hate to say it, but they're downright geeky! I'd hate for you to be seen somewhere geeky, it just isn't good for your reputation.

You know, I used to think that too, but man-o-rama, Dru, if you'd seen Devon last year in his knight costume...*fans self*. And Ruaraidh likes castles, so even if they were geeky normally, they're mondo über-coolio when