The Art of Being Emily - Katie MacAlister Page 0,16

pair of earrings. One! Have you ever heard of anything so barbaric?

“You may wear what you have on for the rest of the day, but in the future, please remember to remove them before you leave home.”

I thought about telling him my holes would close up if I went running around without earrings, but it was just too embarrassing to be talking about my earlobes to him, so I let it go.

He also asked me to remove most of my makeup (notice he didn't say all), and he even winked at me when he said that. He didn't say one single thing about me looking like a whore, so I knew that was just the Duff being nasty. Since Mr. Krigon asked so nicely, I humored him, blotting the Kiss Me Mauve really hard, dabbing at the bronzed bits with a wet piece of paper towel, and even going so far as to take off the eye shadow (although I left the mascara and eyeliner, because you know my eyes just disappear into my face without mascara and eyeliner). He waited for me outside of the bathroom and didn't say anything when I came out, so I think the makeup issue is settled.

He asked me all sorts of questions about Seattle while we walked up two flights of stairs, and told me he was impressed with my grades. “You'll be happy to know that our physical sciences department is quite comprehensive. I know that you got off to a bit of a bad start with Miss Naylor, but I'm sure you'll be very happy in her physics class.”

Naylor? Horse-face was the physics teacher? The woman who hated my guts and humiliated me in front of everyone? I groaned and mentally struck physics off the list of classes I was looking forward to. “Um. Yeah. I hope she doesn't hold grudges. I was hoping I could skip the first year and a half of college physics, so I really want to concentrate on learning what I can now.”

“A commendable attitude to have,” he said, and I couldn't help but feel hopeful. OK, so the day didn't start off very good, but it couldn't get any worse, right? Just as I was thinking that a bell went off and all sorts of kids started coming out of the rooms, and he said good-bye and left me outside the room.

Oh, you asked about my schedule. Here it is:

Lesson 1Lit (Why they can't just say “class” is beyond me.)

Lesson 2French

Lesson 3PE

Lesson 4Study

Lesson 5Information Technology

Lunch

Lesson 6GSCE Maths (why plural? Who knows!)

Lesson 7GSCE Physics (Evidently the GSCE classes are more intense, and intended for students who are specializing in that subject, kind of like an AP class. Which is cool, as long as our school gives me full credit for that.)

Lesson 8Personal, Social, Citizenship, and Health Education

You see the problem (other than the fact that Horse-Face is going to fail me in physics), don't you? I knew you would. More about that later.

So anyway, there I was, marooned in maroon in my first class at a foreign school. Everyone was lined up outside of the class. No one went in. No one looked at me, no one said hi, no one said anything to me. It was like I wasn't there!

I turned to ask one of the girls in line what the deal was.

“Um, hi. Can you tell me what's going on? Why is everyone waiting outside the classroom?” I asked the nearest girl. She was tall and had braces, and big hoop earrings.

“Um, hi,” she mimicked me, like she was trying to sound American, only she totally didn't.

My stomach wadded up into a little ball as her friend giggled.

“Did you have fun at the headmaster's office?” the Bee girl asked in one of those syrupy sweet voices that sound nice, but which everyone knows means she's being sarcastic.

Everyone in the line started snickering. I was beginning to wonder if there wasn't anyone normal at this school, but decided that whatever else happened, I wouldn't let on that their stupid comments mattered to me. They could stand on their heads and fart Yankee Doodle Dandy for all I cared! Nothing they did would matter to me. NOTHING!

Brother always says that the test of a person's mettle is how they handle adversity. If that's so, I'm the Queen Goddess of the World, because I didn't say one nasty thing. I just looked down my nose at the group of girls who snickered at me, and walked to