Arcadia's Gift - By Jesi Lea Ryan Page 0,38

Aaron did. She probably would’ve roped her friends into putting together a memorial for me at the school, rather than ripping one down.

So, maybe I shouldn’t feel too badly about my feelings for Bryan. I couldn’t help the timing…heck, if it hadn’t been for Lony’s death, he probably would have never reached out to me.

Chapter 15

“You can do this,” I whispered to myself. “It’s no big deal.”

I walked purposefully up the front steps of the high school, holding my worn —and newly mended —backpack like a shield. Ice water pumped through my veins, my body’s reaction to the dozens of eyes following me down the hall. I wasn’t being paranoid. The quick glances away when I looked up were proof enough.

The funny thing was I wasn’t nervous at all about going to school that morning. I was actually looking forward to getting back to a routine. But once I entered the crowd of students, my stomach tensed up into one big knot and my skin grew damp with cold sweat. In fact, it was the most curious case of nerves I’ve ever felt; a mixed up cornucopia of emotions…excitement, joy, anger, fear. The walls of the hallway seemed barely strong enough to contain it all.

As I rounded the corner, there was Bryan, leaning up against the wall by my first hour government class, his attention on the battered Dean Koontz novel in his hands. I slowed my gait, pleased to watch him without notice. My pulse quickened and almost made me forget about the rest of the crowd. The intense gaze of his dark brown eyes seemed as if it might set the book on fire. Absently, he teethed his lower lip, drawing my attention to its full redness. His thick hair stood up funny in the back and he’d neglected to fasten the bottom button on his shirt, but to me, he looked perfect.

Jeez, Cady. Stop being so sappy.

“Hey,” I said as I walked up beside him, trying my best to portray nonchalance.

Bryan startled at my voice, but then broke out into a big toothy grin. “Hey.”

A boy trying to get into his locker nudged me over so my arm brushed up against Bryan’s. Bryan could have stepped over, putting space between us, but he didn’t. I’m not sure what it was about being near him, but those crazy mixed-up emotions faded, giving way to a relaxing calm.

“Are you all set to give it another go?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’m ready. I think.”

“Good.”

There was a slight rosiness to his cheeks which brightened up his pale complexion. Not a blemish on him. I pretended to bite my thumb nail in order to hide the zit which had poked out on my chin during the night.

“Well, I better get inside,” I said, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Bryan touched his hand to my shoulder for one brief moment and replied, “Yeah, I have to go, too. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. My phone’s on vibrate, so if you need anything, text me.” His hand patted the pocket where his cell phone snuggled against his heart.

As he strode away, I felt that strange tangle of emotions flood back. I clenched my jaw and entered the classroom just as the final bell rang.

I gave a hesitant smile to a few of those offering sympathetic looks as I walked to my seat. A feeling of deja vu came over me. Like the week before, my nerves felt like violin strings wound too tightly. I missed my name during roll call and the girl behind me had to poke me in the shoulder. My body temperature rose and I bit down on the end of my pen until my teeth left jagged marks.

Mr. Steele popped in a video on voting during the civil rights era and shut out the lights. I used the cover of darkness to get a hold of myself. Examining my emotions more closely, I realized that it wasn’t all nervousness I felt, but a whole tornado of feelings at once —some of which didn’t even make sense. There was frustration with my parents, anxiety over some big test which I wasn’t prepared for, the triumph of first love. None of these emotions felt like they belonged to me, yet there they were, taking up residence in my mind.

I squeezed my eyes shut. The air in the classroom was thick with invisible smoke which clawed at my throat. I wanted to jump out