Arcadia's Gift - By Jesi Lea Ryan Page 0,20

come back yet?”

“No idea. My brother, Aaron, went back today, but he hasn’t been home yet, so I haven’t asked him how it went.” I picked at the pilled fabric of my bedspread. “I don’t know how to tell if I’m ready to face it again, and my parents have been like zero help.”

“I understand. Actually, that’s why I’m calling.” Bryan paused as if gathering the courage to say something. “Um…my older brother...Jesse? He passed away last year. Thought you might like to talk to someone who’s been there, you know?”

“Didn’t you tell me that you’re an only child?”

“I am…now I am. After Jesse died, my parents thought we should be closer to our extended family in the Midwest. My mother’s side. So when my dad scored a job transfer to Dubuque, they couldn’t pack us off fast enough.”

“Oh. How...how did Jesse…?” My tongue stumbled over the question.

“Die? Do you know what hemophilia is?”

“Some kind of blood disease, right?”

“Yeah. It’s a genetic disorder where the blood can’t clot very well. A cut or a bruise can be fatal if doctors can’t get the bleeding to stop in time. Anyway, Jesse was snowboarding —something he was absolutely forbidden to do because of his condition. He was always doing stupid things he shouldn’t. The slope wasn’t even all that dangerous; he just banked too hard on a curve and tumbled into a tree. He was able to get up and walk back to the lodge, but by the time he got there, a huge bruise had formed on his side and began spreading across his back.”

“Oh, no,” I whispered.

“Yeah. His friends drove him to the nearest hospital, but he’d lost consciousness before they arrived. He died before my parents could get there. I guess he’d torn his liver when he fell.”

I squeezed my eyes tightly. Even hearing about the death of a boy I didn’t know could bring me to tears. “I’m so sorry, Bryan.”

He sighed on the other end of the phone as if he were forcing himself to be strong. “It’s okay. I mean, it was hard at first —it’s still hard —but it gets easier. I wanted you to know that. It gets easier.”

My chest tightened and my skin warmed for what seemed like the first time in days. “Thank you, Bryan. It means so much to me that you called. It’s like no one really understands what it’s like to lose a sibling. My friends have tried to help, but they’ve never experienced anything even close.”

“Have you been able to talk with your family?”

“Yeah, right! My mother has banned my father from the house and won’t let me go over to his place. And she’s been in a Valium haze since the funeral. My brother and I are spending all of our time in our bedrooms on opposite ends of the house. It’s like we brought the mortuary home with us.”

“I saw your brother today, at school. He looked like a guy walking in a dream. I thought maybe you would’ve come back, too.”

“I don’t think I’m ready yet. It just seems so hard. I can’t stop thinking about her as it is. How will I be able to look at her locker or her table in the lunch room or the cheerleaders walking around in their uniforms without thinking of her?”

“You can’t. You’re gonna see Lony everywhere for a while. It will totally suck…but that’s okay.”

“No! It’s not okay!” Tears were spilling down my face in earnest now. “These reminders just make the hole she left in my life bigger. She was my sister…my twin! All of my life we were defined by our relationship to each other. Lony’s the outgoing one, and I’m the introverted one. She’s got the style, and I’ve got the brains. She’s liked by all of the boys, and I’m liked by all the teachers. I don’t even know who I am without her!”

Bryan stayed silent for a few minutes while I sobbed. When I calmed down, I set the receiver down to wipe my face blow my nose with a wad of tissues.

I picked the phone back up and cradled it into the crease of my neck. “I’m sorry, Bryan. I didn’t mean to lose it. I’m doing that a lot lately.”

“Cady, don’t apologize,” he said. His voice was as soothing as hot chocolate. “Don’t ever apologize for what you are feeling. I understand.”

I sniffed again and asked, “So with Jesse…how did you move beyond it? I mean, how did you