The Apartment - K. L. Slater Page 0,74

the day. The other part of me feels like I don’t want to be alone up here.

In the end, Lilian makes the decision for me.

‘Come on, let’s get you back inside.’ She walks ahead of me, and when I’ve shuffled past her, she closes the door behind me. ‘Sit yourself down in the lounge, dear, and I’ll put the kettle on.’

She strides ahead into the kitchen and I rush past Skye’s bedroom without glancing in. I sit down on the sofa as instructed, zombie-like. A few seconds later, Lily joins me.

She perches on the edge of the cushion and turns in a little to look at me.

‘I don’t want to pry, Freya, but I can see something has upset you. The last couple of times I’ve seen you, you’ve seemed . . . a little stressed, for want of a better phrase. Don’t feel you have to tell me anything too personal but . . . are you alright?’

‘Yes!’ I say, my voice sounding slightly manic. ‘I’m fine. I just—’ Here it comes. The emotion I’ve been trying to keep down for the last few days. ‘I just . . . things are getting on top of me a bit. I don’t think we’re going to stay here, Lily,’ I splutter between sobs.

‘Oh no, come here.’ Lilian cradles her arm around my head and I just let go. I can’t stop myself. ‘That’s it, dear, let it all out. Holding stuff in never did anyone any good at all. I should know.’

Something about the kind tone of her voice gives me licence to let go. I override the feelings of shame and embarrassment and instead, I just release all the tension I’ve kept bottled up.

It goes on for a while. I hear the kettle click off in the kitchen and still Lily holds me and still the emotion comes.

Lily loosens her comforting hold and I pull gently away. ‘Better?’

I nod. ‘Thank you. I don’t know what came over me. This is not like me at all.’

‘You said you might not stay here,’ Lily says, her gentle eyes creasing with concern. ‘Why is that?’

‘I’m living on my nerves with the odd things that keep happening and . . .’

‘Yes?’

‘I met with Sophie’s sister, the woman who lived here with her daughter. She’s convinced Dr Marsden drove her to the brink of insanity.’

I bite my lip. I’ve probably said too much, after all Lily has lived here for many years and I don’t want her to think it’s a reflection on her.

‘The poor woman sounds distressed. I didn’t have much to do with the young woman and her child but I got the impression, and please don’t think ill of me for saying so, that she was troubled before she even arrived here.’

I nod, wanting to believe Linda is wrong in her assumptions, but I can’t do that. My own experiences here correlate with a lot of what Linda says happened to Sophie.

‘It’s fine you know, to say you’re not coping too well. I’ve been there.’

The inference of her words isn’t lost on me. Lily obviously thinks I’m struggling mentally.

‘I recognise the signs of anxiety,’ she says softly. ‘I’ve been there, too.’

‘You have?’ Lily seems so confident, so level-headed and sorted.

‘Oh yes. There was a time a few years ago, when my husband left me and – I still feel awkward about saying this but I will because it’s true – I fell apart; lost my job, my home, and I very nearly lost my mind.’

‘No!’ I whisper.

‘I know what it’s like to live on the edge of paranoia and fear. It’s not a nice place to be.’

I glance at her face and for the briefest moment I see the wound of her hurt laid bare, like cutting into a cooked piece of meat to find it’s still raw inside.

I sit quietly, unsure what to say. She seems to think the problem here lies with me, not with the Marsdens.

‘You look so . . . afraid. Actually you look terrified. I don’t want to intrude, but is there anything you want to talk about?’ She lowers her eyes and touches me lightly on the shoulder. ‘This place can get you down. I’m more aware of the influence of certain people than you think.’

She means the Marsdens now, she must do. It’s painfully obvious they don’t like having her around and now I’m beginning to see why. She’s unimpressed by Dr Marsden and Audrey when everyone else here seems to look up to