Anything but Minor - Kate Stewart Page 0,61

looked over at me. “Why do you have to be so goddamned perfect?”

“I’m just being honest,” I said defensively. “I can see you aren’t in the mood for it.”

“Baby, no,” he said as I crossed my arms in front of me and stared at his cleats.

“What’s happening between us Rafe?”

“What?” he snapped.

“What are we doing? Are we in a relationship that’s now boring you?”

“Damn it, Alice,” he said as he took a step toward me, closing the distance. “No.”

“No, we’re not in a relationship or no I’m not boring you?” I felt my heart rip as he watched the cars leave behind us.

“We have to talk about this right now?” He was feet away but so distant I didn’t recognize him. “I have a lot going on.”

“So do I,” I said as I commanded his eyes to mine.

His continued silence was too much to handle. I pulled my keys from my pocket and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll let you know when I get back.”

Rafe nodded, and I didn’t bother to wait on anything else.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I watched her tiny frame disappear into her car then gathered the bats and helmets to load them in my Jeep. I felt my pocket buzz and saw the call was from Andy. I ignored it. His issue was becoming mine, and instead of letting Alice kiss me, I’d cowered away to keep from hurting Kristina but hurt Alice instead. I’d have been so much better off not knowing her feelings for me. I should’ve just come clean and told Alice the truth, but her budding friendship with Kristina was important to her. Alice had told me as much. She said she’d never really had a close girlfriend, and I didn’t want to take that away from her. Kristina was not a spiteful person. She was, in fact, the stuff that a good and loyal friend was made of, like Andy.

I didn’t want to hurt either of them. Kristina, along with Andy, had been my two closest friends for years.

This whole situation was fucked. And to top it off, I’d been pushing Alice away little by little to try to stifle my need for her, and it was only fucking with me that much harder. July was coming, and if I got the call, I’d be forced to leave her, and not for just a two-week stint. As much as I hated to admit it, Andy was right; it was the worst time ever to start a relationship.

I ripped through the waves for the rest of the day, taking out my frustration on the ocean. A plane flew by in the distance, and I briefly wondered if Alice would stick around much longer due to her job being a total disaster. We already had the space lingering between us for me to make a clean break. The road was hard, but if I got called off to the majors, I’d all but vanish from her. She sensed the space but didn’t have an explanation, which she deserved.

It was so much easier when I was a bit more selfish, when pussy was playtime and ball was business. The lines were clear. I’d initiated the relationship with Alice. I’d purposefully placed myself as the man in her life. I could never get bored. I could never, ever get enough of her, and I owed it to her to tell her as much.

I crested the wave and landed in the salty cool water. I wondered what she saw in me for a moment. I loved the way I looked reflected in her eyes. Whatever she saw in me, I wanted to be that man.

I could try to convince myself all I wanted to, that our relationship was fun, an escape, a way of passing time until the moment I’d been waiting for since I turned eighteen arrived, but it was pointless.

I was in love with her.

If mood was a color, today I was gray. My mood coordinated with the old room I occupied in my house. My mother had called me for dinner ten minutes ago and I couldn’t bring myself to go to her. As I lay in bed and mulled over my life in Charleston, I envied the women who could confide in their mothers. The women who could discuss anything with them. It would only help to deepen the relationship. As a daughter, I’d always felt judged by my actions.

Why couldn’t I have that?

I briefly thought of calling Kristina to vent about Rafe