shape when I was still in the cradle, unlike you, you miserable little vampire. You know how he came into the world, Smith?”
“Shut up!” Lord Ermenwyr shouted.
“Ha, ha—it seems Mother and Daddy were making love in a hammock in a gazebo in the garden, and because they were neither on the earth, nor in the sky, nor under earth or in the sea, nor indoors nor out, but suspended—”
“Don’t tell that story!”
“I forget exactly what went wrong, but seven months later, Mother noticed this wretched screaming little thing that had fallen out under her skirt, and she had pity on it, even though I told her she ought to give it away because we didn’t need any more babies, but I guess being the Compassionate One she had to keep it, and unfortunately it grew up, though it never got very big.” Lord Eyrdway smiled serenely at his brother.
“You pus-bucket,” Lord Ermenwyr growled.
“Midget.”
“Imbecile!”
“Dwarf.”
“You big walking string of shapeless snot from the nose of a diseased—”
“I know you are, but what am I?”
“You—!” Lord Ermenwyr was on the point of launching himself across the table at his brother when Smith rose in his seat, and thundered, “Shut up, both of you!”
The brothers sat back abruptly and stared at him, shocked.
“You can’t tell us to shut up,” said Lord Eyrdway in wonderment. “We’re demons.”
“Quarter demons,” Willowspear corrected him.
“But I killed three men for you, so you owe me,” said Smith. “Don’t you? No more fighting as long as you’re both here.”
“Whatever you like,” said Lord Eyrdway amiably enough, taking a sip of his wine. “I always honor a debt of blood.”
“I still want to know what you’re doing off the mountain,” said Lord Ermenwyr sullenly. “To say nothing of why you chose to bolt into my favorite hotel.”
“Oh,” said Eyrdway, looking uneasy. “That. Well, I made a little mistake. It wasn’t my fault.”
“Really?” Lord Ermenwyr smiled at him, narrowing his eyes. “Whatever did you do, might one ask?”
“I just raided a caravan,” said Lord Eyrdway.
“Hmmm. And?” Lord Ermenwyr’s smile showed a few sharp teeth.
“Well—you know, when caravans are insured, they really ought to be required to carry signs or something saying who insured them, so everybody will know,” said Lord Eyrdway self-righteously.
Lord Ermenwyr began to snicker.
“You raided a caravan that was insured by Daddy’s company,” he stated gleefully. “And Daddy had to pay the claim?”
“Your father runs an insurance company?” Smith inquired.
“And makes a lot more money than by being a brigand,” Lord Ermenwyr replied. “There are only so many ways you can keep your self-respect as a Lord of Evil when you can’t break any laws.”
“And there wasn’t even any nice loot,” complained Lord Eyrdway. “Nothing but a lot of stupid bags of flour. So I cut them all open in case there was anything valuable inside, which there wasn’t, so we just threw the stuff around and danced in it and came home white as ghosts, and then it turned out the flour had been going to a village where the people were starving, so that got Mother mad at me too.”
“You sublime blockhead!” Lord Ermenwyr rocked to and fro, hugging himself.
“So Daddy told me I was banished until I could repay him the value of the caravan,” said Lord Eyrdway. “And Mother reproached me.”
“Ooh.” Lord Ermenwyr winced. “That’s serious. And you haven’t a clue how to get money, have you?”
“I do so!” snarled Lord Eyrdway. “I stole some from a traveler when I was coming down the mountain. But he didn’t have nearly enough, so I asked the next traveler I robbed where there was a good gambling house, and he said there were a lot of them in Salesh-by-the-Sea.”
“Oh, gods.”
“Well, you’re always on about how much fun you have here! So I got over the city wall and found a nice gambling house, and at first I won lots of money,” Lord Eyrdway said. “And they served me a lot of free drinks. So I drank a little more than I should have, maybe. So some of what happened I don’t remember too well. But there was a lot of shouting.”
“You must have killed somebody,” said Smith.
“Yes, I think I did,” Lord Eyrdway agreed. “Not only did I not win any more money, they wanted money from me! And so I left, and changed into a few things to throw them off the chase. But they figured out I was changing, somehow, and kept after me. So I ran down to the harbor and turned myself into a