Another Life Altogether: A Novel - By Elaine Beale Page 0,161

the house.

“Ooh, heck,” Mabel said, jumping at the noise and dropping her spatula on the floor.

“It’s not a bloody breeze,” I said, enraged now at my mother’s capacity for self-delusion. “It’s blowing a bloody gale.”

“You watch your language, young lady!” my mother yelled, rising out of her chair and lifting her hand high in the air, as if she were about to strike me.

“Go on,” I said, meeting her eyes and rising with her. “Go on, just hit me.” I pushed my face across the table and lifted my cheek toward her palm. More than anything, I wanted her to do it. I wanted her to hit me hard, again and again and again. I wanted to feel her stinging blows fall upon me, knowing the pain would erase the numbing distance I felt from my body, knowing it was exactly what I deserved.

“Now, now, you two,” Mabel said, sweeping across the kitchen to stand between us. “Come on, I don’t want you to have a fight.” She’d retrieved her spatula from the floor and now thrust it between us. She placed a hand on my mother’s shoulder. My mother continued to glare at me, but she let Mabel push her down into her chair. “I’m feeling nervous enough,” Mabel continued. “All this nasty weather and Frank not back. The last thing I need is you two going at each other. Tomorrow is supposed to be my big day, you know.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, Mabel,” my mother said, standing up suddenly and sending her chair crashing to the floor. “This,” she declared, swinging her arm in a wide arc around the kitchen, “is going to be the wedding to beat them all.” Then, leaving the chair there on the floor, she stomped across the room. “I’m off to see how Mike’s getting on putting out the place settings. He doesn’t know his bloody arse from his elbow, never mind where to put the salad forks.” When she reached the door, she swung around to look at me. “For God’s sake, Jesse, make yourself useful. Finish off the cooking for your poor auntie Mabel and make us all a pot of tea.” Then she flounced into the hallway and slammed the door behind her. Mabel flinched and dropped the spatula again.

The judder of the slamming door had sent a bolt of energy through me. Like the slap that I had longed for my mother to deliver, it jarred me into feeling. Tears rose, like boiling liquid, into my eyes and spilled down my face.

“Are you all right, Jesse?” Mabel asked. She sat down in the chair next to me.

I said nothing. My cheeks were wet, scalded with sudden emotion. “Oh, I’m sorry, love,” she said, putting her arm around my shoulder and pulling me to her. “I know your mother can try the patience of a saint sometimes. She’s just about driving me mad.” She placed her hand on my face and brushed away one of my tears. “I don’t know what on earth I was thinking when I said she could do this bleeming wedding. I suppose I was just trying to humor her, keep her happy. But now …” She looked out the window again.

Mabel’s hand on my cheek was warm, her fingers soft. The heat of her skin made me want to press myself closer to her, into the welcoming give of her body, the familiar comfort of her smells. I remembered all the times I had found solace there, and I yearned for that solace again. But it was too late for that now. There was no sanctuary for me with Mabel now that she was about to marry Frank.

“Those sausages are going to burn,” I said, shaking Mabel’s arm from my shoulder and rising from my chair. I gulped back my tears and ran my sleeve across my eyes. Then I turned off the gas under the sausages, picked up the kettle, and walked over to the tap. After I had filled it and put it on the cooker, I turned on the radio just as the shipping forecast was being read.

“There are warnings of severe gales in all areas except Irish Sea and Shannon,” the announcer said.

Mabel looked nervous as she picked up her cigarettes from the table.

“Viking, North Utsire, South Utsire,” the announcer continued, “Northeast severe gale nine to storm ten. Very rough. Rain. Poor.”

The shipping forecast had always been almost indecipherable to me, but I knew what severe gale warnings were. I wondered