stepfather’s house, I can get through tonight without crying or making a scene. I have a plan and I’m going to fucking make it through this. I’ll be back here dancing tomorrow night and it’ll be the best fucking dance any man has ever seen.
It has to be.
The other girls do everything they can to make me feel like shit.
It’s so fucking stupid, I mean I’d bet every last one one of them has fucked Tomi or one of the other bikers for pay or for free, but with all the shit in my head it chips away at me pretty damn quick.
I just wanna fucking leave this place forever but there’s nowhere else I can make this type of money safely. Tomi didn’t force me to do a goddamn thing, I chose it and when I flinched away he left. He spat fucking fire at me first, but he left.
So I’ve just got to suck it up and take whatever these women throw at me.
I leave the stage after my last dance for the week exhausted and just plain wrung out. I’m due for a night at a hotel and, fuck it, I might even make it two just to fully recharge even if it does make me wanna cry over the costs. I have three days off from work and I can email all of my lecturers to get out of classes for the same amount of time so I can just… sleep. Sleep and lie around thinking about what I’m going to do the second my cash fund hits my goal. Fuck, that’s the headiest feeling in the world. Hitting that number and having a roof over my head, college paid for, never having to dance again… fuck, I just have to keep my head on straight and ignore the bullshit.
When I make it out to the locker room I find Posey leaning on my locker with her phone out, giggling as she texts someone. Her eyes snap up to mine and the grin on her face gets even bigger.
“There you are! I’ve been looking for you!”
I raise an eyebrow at her but it’s impossible to keep the smile off of my own face. “It’s a strip club and I’m a dancer, it’s not that hard to find me.”
She laughs and moves for me as I grab my stuff out. When I head over to the showers she follows me and sits on the bench outside my stall. “If I had’ve gone looking Rue woulda skinned me alive. He’s already pissed we’re here but I don’t mind it. Means I get to hang out with you.”
I’m glad she can’t see the stupid smile on my face. Fuck, being friends with her is a weird but lifesaving thing. “What are you doing here with him anyway? Finally convinced him to date you?”
She huffs at me. “Not fucking likely. Nah, there’s obviously shit going on in the club because he’s keeping tabs on me again. He picked me up from Pops’ and is taking me back to Trink’s place but he had to sort something out here first.”
Hm. That makes sense. Tomi’s been here all the time and I know for a fact that this place is one of the club’s best earners. Probably a whole lot of dirty cash being cleaned here too.
I finish up my shower and I throw on my yoga pants and an old band tee. When I make it out of the stall Poe grins at it and says, “The lead singer is the best kind of asshole.”
I know exactly what she means by that.
Because doesn’t that exactly describe Tomi? The best type of asshole who I wish cared just a little bit more for me. Or maybe less? He cares enough about what I do for this business that he’s nosey but there’s that secret part of me that wished he cared enough to… want me for more than just my body.
Why the hell am I thinking like this?
I drop my bag down onto the bench next to Poe and grab out my makeup wipes to get rid of the dark circles that didn’t quite disappear fully in the shower. She looks at the lace that’s overflowing from the open zipper and sighs hard.
“Fuck I wish I could pull that shit off. Maybe if I was a little less tomboy and a little more stripper-chic Rue would notice me. Fuck I hate guys! I hate feeling like this. Ugh.”