American Hero - George R. R. Martin Page 0,55

But maybe it isn’t, because I don’t even feel like I’m doing this for myself anymore. I’m doing it because I don’t want to let my friends down. So maybe that’s what it’s really all about: not letting your friends down.

I think I’m getting tired. We get another message, another mission, and we’re supposed to go into crisis mode. But in the back of your head you know it’s not real. You have to act like it is, but you know people aren’t really going to die and it isn’t really that critical. This is a job for actors, not real people. Maybe that’s why Stuntman’s doing so well. So, yeah. I wish . . .

I don’t know what I wish anymore. This is starting to feel like a marathon. I just have to get through it. I have a really good chance. I’m going to take that chance, do my best. I know I’m good enough for this.

I just wish I didn’t feel so . . . I don’t know. Never mind. Yes, I’m absolutely going to win this thing. I’m the best one out there. I’m going to win it for Ana, and Hardhat, and Team Hearts, and everyone who’s rooting for me.

Confessional: Pearl Olsen aka Diver

Life in the Discard Pile is not the most fun I’ve had, but it’s not the worst time I’ve had, either. This mansion or dormitory or whatever is comfortable enough, although it gets noisy sometimes.

What sort of noise?

My dear. Did you ever spend an hour in a room full of people talking on cell phones when none of them are talking to each other? And that’s in the daytime. Did I mention that I hear things quite well, in both higher and lower frequencies than you can hear? I hear noises that people make when they don’t know, or care, that they are making them.

Now think about nights. Uh-huh.

But the food is good, and while I sit here beside the pool and dry off in the sun, the per diem keeps on keeping on. Hollywood, even Hollywood television, sheds money like seals shed water.

I’ve been here five weeks. I’ve watched the new rejects come in and how they handle becoming one of the unwanted. Some accept it quicker than others. Blrr, Simoon, and Gardener were the only girls here when I got tossed away. They helped me get used to the situation, in their own way.

I said, in their own way, and that’s all I’ll say, okay?

And then more girls, and now there’s Tiffani and Earth Witch to add to the mix.

Gossip? You want gossip?

Let’s call it something else.

Would you care to play “What if?” with me? I’ve had some time for that, time to think about what some of my new friends could do for me and with me in my part of the world. The world they don’t know yet, the different world that opens when you don’t have to stay on dry land.

Remember, this is just fantasy, right? I’m not saying any of these things happened. Draw your own conclusions.

What if Brave Hawk took a job as fishing scout for me and my dolphin friends? We’re good at finding schools of fish for lunch, but in really noisy places, like near shipping lanes, an overhead visual scout could be really helpful. He might learn some things about himself. He’s a member of a tribe now, but bonds are even stronger among dolphin kin. Or maybe they aren’t, but Brave Hawk could tell me the differences in ways I think none of the rest of this crew could.

What if I could convince Spasm to do bodyguard duty for some of my dolphin friends? The males get aggressive at certain times. The second part of Spasm’s gift could come in really handy at preventing injuries when the guys gang up on one particular female.

What if Matryoshka decided to divide once to provide, say, a pair of partners for one woman? What about a matched set of Matryoshkas for two different women? He’s only half as bright when he’s two of him, but there’s still plenty of hindbrain for certain jobs, and he doesn’t forget his adventures when he gets himself together again. Double your pleasure, ma’am, on sea or land.

Drummer Boy? Why do you keep asking me about him?

I don’t know who he’s up to. Yes, I said who, not what. The count is pretty high by now, isn’t it? Besides, he’s gone now. Goodbye, DB, great knowing you. Or did