American Hero - George R. R. Martin Page 0,51

I guess you would say interesting people and I’ve learned some lessons, so I suppose it hasn’t been a total loss.

I mean, now I totally can’t believe that I cried when they voted me off the team way back on Week Three. Like, I’d always done my best, worked hard, and took hideous chances—going into that fire when, unlike some, I’m not fireproof—and what happens, zipppp, like that, I get voted off first thing.

Well, not first thing. At least I lasted longer than Joe Twitch, though now I’m stuck in this house with him, I mean, he’s like everywhere. Everywhere. He’s always like, hey, I hear you’re fast. Well, guess what, babe, I’m fast too, like we had stuff in common and I should go for him and all. Look, I’m not saying the guy’s a loser because he looks like a geek and he’s twitchy and all. I know a lot of computer guys who look like geeks but they’re nice. This guy is a loser because he’s a loser. Hitting on me in front of everyone—not only me, of course, but Simoon and Gardener and Diver and Cleopatra when she showed up (he totally should have known better from the start with her and saved his breath) until I had to go like, “Look, dude, no girl wants to go out with a guy who keeps bragging about how quick he is,” and everyone laughed. Well, Hardhat had to explain it to Rusty before he laughed. I felt kind of bad about it for a while, but at least Twitch left us alone after that.

Funny how my entire team is in the Discard Pile now, except for Tiffani. The last Diamond. Well, she is one stone cold beotch for sure and I think everyone knows that now. She’s a survivor, but so what? She’s not going to win what she wants. She’s a plotter and a total backstabber and she’ll get hers in the end because she’s only smart enough to scheme people off the show. She’s not smart enough to get people to like her.

Matryoskha came up to me and said like how sorry he was that they voted me off the team instead of Tiffani and she was the one who talked them all into it and I was like, well, whatever dude, what’s done is just pavement under the wheels and it ain’t coming back. He is hunky and he has a sexy accent, but he was sincere and just being nice. Of course there’s plenty of cute boys around. This is a television show, after all, and they put mostly pretty people on it. I mean, even Buford is cute in kind of a rural way when he’s not being that big toad.

Golden Boy, though, that was one of the things I’m sorry I missed, seeing him in action, though I did meet him at some party. He’s like really cute, though it’s kind of creepy to think of him being as old as my grandfather. And he’s a famous hero who fought in all kinds of wars against foreigners and communists and aliens, too, and he’d been a very successful actor who’d made a bunch of movies and even had his own television show. Simoon told me Michael Bay had wanted him to play himself in that Earth vs the Swarm movie he made last year about that awful alien invasion a long time ago before I was born, but Golden Boy turned him down. I wonder why.

I’m sorry I missed being on the shows with the other guest stars, too, though that magician Matthews was too cute for me, if you know what I mean. Bugsy was kind of cute, except for that bug thing. Bugs. Ick. Ick. Ick. I hate bugs. There’s no way you can avoid them. They’re everywhere, and before I figured out the whole windshield thing they were always getting stuck in my teeth or going up my nose and let me tell you, you totally do not want to snort a wasp when you’re going a couple of a hundred miles an hour.

His pal Lohengrin seemed nice too, but it was too bad about that whole thing when him and Bugsy and John Fortune burned down Peregrine’s house and then just took off like that. I probably would have too if I’d been in their shoes.

Actually, that’s probably not a bad idea, though I signed a contract and intend to live up to it. I’m starting to