American Hero - George R. R. Martin Page 0,14

That tyke did take on pretty vigorous. Gave me a turn—I plumb forgot she wasn’t real.

’Course I guess nothing much hurts old Stuntman. But it was still real impressive what he did, all the same. Even if he did get a little crazy there after it was all over. But he didn’t hurt nobody so it wasn’t any big thing. All his clothes got burned off right off his back. That was pretty funny. I laughed and laughed till Diver covered him up in that fireman’s coat. I guess they gotta blur all them parts out for when they show it on the teevee, don’t they?

Oh—sorry. I didn’t mean that. I meant—ahh—you know, that piece—film or whatever. Oh, never mind. You got me blushing now.

Anyways . . . that Jade Blossom, she held the fire hose on those flames all by herself. She’s tall for a girl, with that bright-red hair and everything, but she’s still just a slip of a thing. To look at her you’d think a puff of wind’d blow her away. I guess she can make herself pretty heavy. Don’t know where she puts it. She did right well with the hose. When that old boy came out all on fire she hit him right square with the water, knocked him ass over teakettle.

Oh. Sorry. I guess I can’t say “ass” on television. I meant to say “fanny,” not “ass.” I’m sorry, Uncle Rayford. I know you didn’t raise me to use no words like that. I hope you won’t have the soap waiting for me when I get back home.

That Tom Dietrich now, Brave Hawk they call him, he sure lived up to his name. He got three of ’em down to safety. Even caught him the one who jumped off the building, buzzing around on those hawk wings of his. That’s something none of them other teams did. Even that fancy Jetman who can fly, over to the Diamonds team, he didn’t catch him that jumper.

Me, I didn’t do too much. Did rescue one dude, the very last one, from the top floor. Caught him with my tongue and zipped him right on back down. He did get pretty upset, though. I guess even a movie stuntman can freak out over being swallowed up in a big old toad mouth like that. But it’s just the way I’m put together. When I’m a toad, I mean. Can’t rightly help it. And I spit him right back out. He did look pretty funny hopping up and down with that old slime going all everywhere. I had to laugh. Of course I reckon nobody knew that till now on accounta I was still a giant toad and all.

So, yeah. I know pride goeth before a fall and all. But I am proud of what we did. Had it been for real we woulda got all them poor people out.

Not to say anything against those other teams. They all did the best they could. Who wouldn’t do anything they could, to save people from burning up in a building? Just happened to work out for us this time, is all.

I’m mighty glad. Them judges could get pretty rough. They sure were mean to those poor kids from the Hearts.

I’m glad we don’t have to vote nobody out this time. I’d hate to have to do that. It seems a pretty harsh thing to do to one of these new friends of mine. I’d rather get voted out myself.

They’re a good bunch. Jamal’s a good man, even if maybe wrapped a bit tight. He’s got a good heart, though. He doesn’t have it too easy in real life. That Paul, he sure likes his little pranks, don’t he? Haley’s pretty took with herself, but you can’t hardly blame her, can you? Her heart’s in the right place, sure.

Pearl, she always has them iPod things in her ears. Seems a little strange, but I’m not one to judge, am I? She worries she won’t be no use to the team. But I bet we get some kind of underwater challenge here before long, and she’ll have her chance to shine.

I wish I could fly like that Apache fella, Brave Hawk. But if toads had wings we wouldn’t bump our butts a-hopping, would we? That’s just a joke. I can say “butt,” can’t I?

That Pastor Thaddeus is a man strong in the Lord. I admire that in him. He do take up the space, though. I kinda worry about his