Always Wrong - Xyla Turner Page 0,41

would pass over the offer. Why when Jacquez proposed his scenario had I jumped at the chance? Even through my doubts, I’d ignored all red flags and jumped at the opportunity to have a child. Maxine said it was emotional. Then she kept saying that if I wanted to have a child, then that was fine, but it didn’t need to be by Jacquez and it didn’t need to happen immediately.

I knew this was true, but the whole thing bothered me so much, I took a leave of absence at my job. First, I fired the two assholes who I’d let continue to talk shit. It was my own fault for sleeping with the one shithead, but he just wouldn’t let the shit go. Three different people said they were discussing it in the lounge. Like, get a fucking clue. I had played nice, by not retaliating and dealing with my own punishment, but at this point. It was slanderous and in my own place of business. They had to go. It was bad for morale.

My assistant told me that Jacquez had already set them straight, but somehow they knew he was out of the picture. Now I was out of the picture. I decided to call it a sabbatical of sorts. I had spent my entire life building up this company. Hell, several companies, and what did I have to show for it? Fancy buildings, penthouse suites, nice cars, and a bunch of shit that would wither away.

One day Maxine came out to visit me at my beach house, where I decided to spend some of my time. I had also spent some time traveling outside of the country, though I stayed far away from London.

She asked me if I was happy, and for the life of me, I don’t know why I started weeping, but the truth was that I was not. I wondered out loud if I’d gained the whole world and lost my soul. Just like my best friend would say, on cue, she said, “You need Jesus.”

Then she said, “You probably need a life coach too.”

If my face wasn’t wet and my heart feeling torn, I probably would have arrogantly said, “I’m a multimillionaire, I don’t need a fucking life coach.” However, I remembered Gabrielle Union talking to Jada at the Red Table Talk and how she had a life coach who got in her ass for being arrogant. It was intriguing, but also made me look at Maxine with a pug-like twist of my head.

“Yeah, I think I might need one.”

I asked around, and Maxine asked her network, and lo and behold it was Zora Black who referred Monroe Foster. Coach Monroe had been really helpful and caused me to reflect. To go back to my childhood, even confront my mother. Which was why I just gave blood to see if my father was my father. They said they’d know the results in less than two weeks, so I waited.

Coach Monroe had me reflecting on why I’d said yes to Jacquez. Why I broke my own cardinal rule, so this baby that I wanted with this man. She said it wasn’t bad and that I should not condemn myself, but she said that I must seek to understand myself.

The only conclusion that I could come up with was that I wanted a baby. So badly that I would have compromised my own integrity to get what I wanted. It seemed like such an unattainable thing. That the thought of a man like Jacquez who wanted the same things as me seemed impossible. What was the likelihood of finding a handsome man who wanted to have kids and the kit and caboodle: the house, dual citizenship and other things that I had previously scoffed at. Even my bestie, when she decided to get married. I knew Noah was a stand-up guy, but when it came to me, I knew when it came to men, I did not roll in those circles of good men. Not men that were looking for marriage. Hell, most of them were married and carried on like they were not. Men in similar positions as me, of course. I wasn’t into breaking or interfering in other people’s homes whether they were happy or not. Somewhere I knew that if I was to ever marry, I wouldn’t want my marriage to be interfered with by another person.

A few days seemed like an eternity to wait for the results. While I had the