like him or not,” I say. “He’s helping Liv. That’s all that matters.”
Archer is silent for a minute. “I never told you about Sarah.”
I glance at him. “Sarah? You told me once she was the reason you straightened up.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t tell you the rest of it.” He picks at the label on his water bottle. “Sarah and I were together for a couple of years. She got pregnant, and I was trying to do the right thing, you know? Be there for her. Then she died. Car accident.”
I stare at him, a sudden intense pain gripping me. I lower my head into my hands and pull in a breath.
“I…I didn’t know, man,” I manage to say. “I’m sorry.”
“I got to the hospital when they were still working on her,” he continues. “Saw them through the emergency room door. And then the doctor came out to tell me he’d lost her—that’s what he said, I lost her—and I snapped. Lunged at him, took him down, started throwing punches. Took two other guys to pull me off.”
I close my eyes. “Jesus.”
“When the doctor got up, bloody nose, eye going black, he said I’m sorry.”
“He apologized?”
“For losing Sarah. I just walked out of there and went on a bender, but later—after I’d gotten my shit together again—I figured out why I’d attacked him. It wasn’t because he’d lost Sarah. It was because I hadn’t been able to save her. Even if I’d been in the car with her, I couldn’t have saved her.”
An ache is pushing at me from somewhere deep inside, harder and harder, like it’s going to break me in half.
“So, yeah.” Archer tilts his head back to swallow some water. “I get it. The woman you love, your wife…you want to be the one to save her.”
To be her hero.
But this time, for the first time, I can’t be. The only person who can save her is the doctor. And maybe not even him.
Archer claps a hand on my shoulder.
“So I’ll say this once, and then we’ll never speak of it again,” he says. “After Sarah died, I turned my life around for good. I wanted to be the kind of man she’d be proud of, the kind who would’ve been a good father and provider. And in some ways, I also still wanted to be like you.”
He shoves to his feet and grabs his towel.
“But you still throw a roundhouse kick like a pussy,” he remarks, tossing his towel around his neck as he strides toward the locker room.
I watch him go, the hard pain inside me dissolving. I’d once thought Archer’s and my relationship was irreparably broken. I’ve never before been so glad to be wrong about something.
I follow him to the locker room and toss my gloves into my duffle.
“Pizza and beer?” I ask. “On me.”
“Damn right it’s on you,” Archer mutters, pulling his T-shirt over his head. “Making me embarrass myself like that.”
He grabs a clean towel and starts toward the showers.
“Hey,” I call after him.
He stops and turns to look at me.
“Thanks,” I say.
Archer shrugs, ducking his head as he continues walking. I text Liv that I’m going out for pizza with him after we leave the gym. Her response comes in seconds: Great! Have fun.
I turn to my locker, tension draining from my shoulders for the first time in weeks.
February 6
“Dean?”
I jerk my head up as the female voice filters past a haze of sleep.
I blink, realizing I’ve fallen asleep at my desk in my tower office, my head on my folded arms. Claire is standing beside me, her hand out as if she’s about to touch my shoulder.
“Oh, sorry.” She takes a step back and smiles. “I couldn’t find you downstairs, and Liv went out with your friend Kelsey. I was going to do some shopping and was wondering what you’d like for dinner.”
“Uh…anything’s fine.” I drag my hands over my face and rub my eyes. Exhaustion burns through me. I can’t sleep at night, but rather than risk keeping Liv up, I’ve been staying up long past midnight and then crashing on the sofa in my office.
“Come downstairs,” Claire says. “I’ll make you a snack.”
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”
“Come on, Dean.” She shakes her head in amusement. “I’m a nanny. No one knows better than I do the restorative powers of a snack.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
“So come on. My snacks have a perfect balance of carbs and protein for optimal energy to get through both soccer practice and Star Wars