Archer and Kelsey both speak at the same time, then exchange glances that are amused and challenging. Claire looks confused.
“Long story,” I tell her.
“You should not get married,” Nicholas tells Archer. “Then you’d have to kiss.”
“Ew,” Bella agrees, returning her attention to coloring her placemat.
“Dude, one day you’ll like kissing.” Archer rubs his knuckles over Nicholas’s head.
Nicholas doesn’t look convinced. The waitress reappears to take Kelsey and Archer’s orders, then returns with a tray filled with slices of apple pie and cherry pie.
After eating and talking about Christmas plans, Nicholas and Bella ask for quarters to put in the toy machines at the front of the deli. I give them some coins, and Kelsey goes with them to operate the machines.
“Hey, if you need me over winter break, I’ll be around,” Claire tells me, as I pull some cash from my wallet to pay the bill. “I used to spend Christmas with my boyfriend’s family in Chicago, but we broke up over the summer so I’m staying here.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know.”
Claire slides out of the booth and goes to join the kids and Kelsey. Archer glances at me as he shrugs back into his coat.
“Watch out for her, man,” he mutters.
“What?”
“That one.” Archer tilts his head to where Claire is putting a quarter into a machine. “She’s got something for you.”
I stare at him. “The fuck? We hired her because Liv has cancer.”
The word burns my throat like battery acid.
“Yeah, I know,” he says. “I’m just saying.”
“Well, don’t,” I snap. “That’s fucked up.”
Archer shakes his head. “Man, people can be fucked up. You know that as well as I do.”
A humorless laugh breaks out of me. Yeah, I do know that. We both learned that lesson when we were too young.
But this?
No way. I can’t believe something like that. I won’t.
I go to corral the kids and get them zipped back into their coats. As we walk to the door, Kelsey takes my arm and tugs, slowing me down and letting the others move ahead.
“Did you hear anything else from the doctor?” she asks in a low voice.
I shake my head. “We won’t have the pathology results for at least another week, if not longer because of the holidays. Christ, Kelsey…the original biopsy showed it was early stage, but the fucking thing has spread.”
What if it’s worse than they think? What if it’s in her chest, her lungs, her bones…
Terror claws at my insides. Kelsey tightens her grip on my arm.
“Dean—”
I can’t stand to hear any words of consolation or reassurance because there are none.
I pull away from her and walk to the door. Outside it’s starting to snow, soft flakes collecting on the trees and pavement, multicolored lights draped all along the street. If Liv were here, she’d suggest we take a walk to look at the holiday decorations in the store windows.
Bella is half a block away, her gloved hand in Claire’s, every other step punctuated by a happy little skip. Overhead, the stars shine bright and cold, like knife points in the pitch-black sky.
Chapter 25
Olivia
December 23
“Perfect.” Claire steps back from the table to admire the candies Nicholas has perched on the roof of his gingerbread house. “Now you can use the coconut as snow.”
I reach automatically for the bag of shredded coconut. Pain twinges down my side. I drop the bag and lower my arm.
“I’ll get it.” Claire pours the coconut into a bowl for Bella and Nicholas.
“Frosting!” Bella says, holding up her finger smeared with a glob of green. “Can I eat it?”
I’m about to say yes when Claire says, “No, your fingers might be all germy.”
She picks up a napkin and wipes Bella’s finger, then turns to help Nicholas spread the coconut around his gingerbread house. I push to my feet and go upstairs to the bathroom, where a clutter of pill bottles sits in the medicine cabinet.
As I take a couple of ibuprofen, I catch sight of my reflection in the mirror. I don’t look good. My skin is pale like parchment, dark circles ring my eyes, and my hair is limp since I haven’t been able to wash it very well without lifting my arm.
I unbutton my shirt slowly to reveal the front-closure sports bra I’ve been wearing since the surgery a few days ago. I unfasten it to look at my breasts for the hundredth time. There’s a half-moon-shaped incision on the side of my breast, another under my armpit, and an indentation that the doctor