research. I know that lymph node positive breast cancer means a worse prognosis.
Past the roaring in my ears, I hear Archer’s voice again as he speaks to the doctor. “Can he see her yet?”
“Yes.” Dr. Turner pushes to his feet. “Dean, I’ll take you in to her. The pathologist will give us a more detailed report as soon as possible.”
I start to follow him out, then turn back to my brother. His expression is grave. I try to say something, but the words stick in my throat as if they’re choking me. Archer shakes his head.
“Go on, man,” he says. “I’ll call Kelsey and see you later.”
I manage to get the word “thanks” out before following the doctor to the recovery room. There are a dozen questions I need to ask in response to what he just told me—but right now, I only want to see my wife.
She looks impossibly vulnerable lying against the stark white pillows of the hospital bed, her eyes closed. There’s an IV still stuck in her arm, an oxygen cannula under her nose, and a white bandage visible beneath her gown.
I pull a chair up to the side of the bed and touch her hand. Her eyelashes flutter. She opens her eyes and turns to face me.
“Hi,” she whispers.
“Hi.” I cover her hand with mine. “How do you feel?”
“Lighter,” she says wryly.
I manage a hoarse chuckle and rest my forehead against her hip. She winds her fingers into my hair.
“Really, though,” she says, “it does feel like he took something bad out of me.”
“He did.”
Her fingers tighten on my hair. “Do we know anything about the lymph nodes yet?”
I curl my fist into her cotton gown. I almost don’t tell her. If I don’t tell her, maybe it won’t be real. Maybe it will just go the fuck away.
“Dean?”
“They…they had to remove six lymph nodes.” I force my fingers to spread over her thigh, feeling the warmth of her body beneath the hospital gown. “Three of them tested positive. But only three.”
Liv doesn’t respond. I lift my head to look at her. Her eyes are closed. I straighten, reaching out to brush away the tear trickling down into her hair.
She turns her head away from me.
“I knew it.” Her voice is a hoarse whisper. “I knew.”
PART III
Chapter 24
Dean
Only Nicholas and Bella can force me away from Liv. She’s scheduled to be discharged tomorrow morning, and I haven’t seen our kids since Kelsey took them out for breakfast. Feels like a thousand years ago. I say goodbye to Liv, trying to leave her with some words of comfort, and return home.
Claire has picked up the kids from school and is arranging several containers of food in the refrigerator. The smell of something good cooking fills the air.
“Hey, how did it go?” Claire asks. “How’s Liv?”
I can hardly answer her. Don’t want to.
“Okay. She’ll be home tomorrow.”
It’s the only thought that makes me feel better. I pull off my suit jacket and nod toward the containers on the central island.
“What’s all that?”
“A few of the other mothers brought stuff over so you guys don’t have to worry about cooking for a few nights,” Claire explains, taking several plates from the cupboard. “But I thought I’d make you a fresh home-cooked meal tonight. I’m actually not a horrible cook.”
“You could brush up on your self-advertising skills, though,” I remark.
She laughs and waves a dishtowel toward the oven. “Okay. Tonight I have prepared for you a baked ziti with tangy marinara sauce, provolone and mozzarella cheeses, and creamy ricotta. Aside from being delicious, this dish is both kid and professor friendly.”
“Much better,” I say. “And it sounds great. Thanks.”
“My pleasure.”
Claire turns to check on the casserole in the oven. I go into the family room where my children are watching cartoons. They fly at me with hugs, and then I sit on the sofa and explain that Mom’s surgery went well and she’ll be home soon.
“Did it hurt?” Nicholas asks.
“She was in a kind of sleep when they did the surgery, so she didn’t feel anything then, but I think it hurts a little now. We have to do our best to help her out and be careful of her bandage.”
“Mommy has owie?” Bella asks.
I look at my daughter and nod. “Yes, honey. She has an owie. But it’ll get better soon.”
“Poor Mommy.”
My throat constricts. I rub my hand over Bella’s hair and head upstairs to change into jeans and a T-shirt. When I return to the kitchen, Claire