A rustle of laughter rises. I turn away, suddenly uneasy at the talk of battles and weapons.
My phone buzzes inside my apron pocket. I glance at it to see a call from Dean lighting up the screen. I turn off the phone without responding and head into the kitchen.
Chapter 6
Olivia
Routine appointment. That’s all. Nothing is wrong.
I adjust the flimsy gown over my thighs as I sit in Dr. Nolan’s office waiting for her to arrive. I don’t even feel any irritation in my breast anymore, so maybe the lump just went away. I press my fingers tentatively to the side of my breast, startling slightly at the sound of a knock on the door.
Dr. Nolan, gray-haired and no-nonsense, enters and greets me with her usual brisk attitude before she sits in front of the computer to open my file.
“So you found a lump in your breast, Liv?” she asks.
Dean did. I suddenly wonder if I’d even have noticed it myself, if he hadn’t found it.
“Yes.” I gesture to my left breast. “On the side. It’s about the size of a small marble, and it feels hard.”
“Hmm.” She studies my chart for a minute. “Any family history of breast cancer?”
She asks the question casually, but it stabs into me like a thin, sharp blade. I haven’t even thought that word, let alone said it aloud.
“Not that I know of,” I say. “But I don’t know much about the women in my family. Only my father’s sister and my mother. My maternal grandmother passed away a few years ago, but…”
My voice trails off. I don’t know what she died from. For all I know, it was breast cancer.
Or not. At all.
“I don’t know,” I add.
She nods. “Okay, let’s take a look.”
Dr. Nolan has been our family doctor ever since Dean and I moved to Mirror Lake. She’s seen me through three pregnancies, a miscarriage and, because of her obstetrics specialization, she delivered both Nicholas and Bella.
She’s seen our children for every well-child visit, every earache or nasty cold, and she met us at the hospital the time Nicholas ended up in the ICU after spiking a high fever. She’s always been calm, practical, honest, and reassuring. And I’ve always been comfortable with her…except for now.
When she instructs me to lie back and unfastens the ties of my gown, my stomach knots with anxiety. I look at the ceiling, trying not to feel the prodding of her hands and fingers on my breasts, like she’s kneading dough.
I have a strange hope she won’t find anything unusual. Maybe it was a mistake, and Dean didn’t feel it after all, maybe he was just—
Except that I felt it too. We can’t both have been mistaken.
“Yes,” Dr. Nolan says, poking at my left breast. “There it is.”
My teeth clench involuntarily. I count the ceiling tiles above me. Dr. Nolan feels the lump for what seems like an inordinately long time. She presses her fingers against it and moves it around as if she’s assessing every detail.
“So what do you think?” I ask when I can’t stand it any longer.
She doesn’t respond.
That’s not good.
“You’ve never had any problems with cysts or lumps before your period, have you?” she asks.
“No.”
“Any recent injuries or accidents? Or any pain?”
“No injuries. I noticed a little bit of discomfort a couple of times, but no real pain.”
“Any discharge from your nipples?”
“No.”
Dr. Nolan spends even more time feeling every inch of both breasts, until I begin to think I’m going to be bruised by the time this is over. I watch her face, hoping against hope that her grave expression will ease into relief and she’ll tell me it feels exactly like a cyst or some other ordinary, unscary thing.
Finally she moves away and folds my gown back into place. I sit up, my heart thumping against my chest.
“So what’s the diagnosis?” I ask, making an effort to keep my voice light.
Dr. Nolan peels off her gloves and turns to face me again. She’s always been a sympathetic but stoic doctor, not given to expressing her own emotions. So when she looks at me with faint worry, I have to smother a surge of apprehension.
“Liv, I’m going to refer you to a doctor who specializes in breast health and surgery,” Dr. Nolan says, placing her hand on my shoulder. “I’m also going to see if we can get you in for more testing today.”
My cell phone buzzes with phone calls and texts from Dean. I send him a quick still at appt