Always on My Mind Page 0,14

mouth had been glossy with lipstick.

"Grayson." His name was little more than a husky breath from her dampened mouth. "You're not wearing your shirt."

He'd completely forgotten that he only had his jeans on, without the top button even done up, for God's sake. Defensively, he told her, "You weren't supposed to be in the kitchen."

"And you weren't supposed to be walking around without your clothes on!" she shot right back.

He shouldn't like the way she looked at him, as though she was barely able to keep herself from reaching out to touch him. But since he wouldn't be able to hide just how much he did like it for more than the next couple of seconds, he finally got his feet to obey the order to move again and headed for his bedroom.

Damn it, he thought as he barely stopped himself from slamming his bedroom door shut, he needed another cold shower even though he'd just gotten out of one. Fat lot of good it did, though, when all it took was one look at Lori, one breath of her hair, her fresh clean skin, one lick of her tongue across her lips, for him to forget every rule he'd lived his life by for the past three years.

Normally, Grayson made it a point to keep his memories deeply buried. Tonight, he deliberately pulled them out and made himself face them. He'd known his wife, Leslie, since college, had fallen for her on the first day of English Lit in freshman year. They were supposed to be the perfect romance, the ideal fit - the finance major and the elegant girl who had grown up in a world where she'd learned how be the perfect hostess and fundraiser. She was a woman who never said the wrong thing, who was always there for him for whatever he needed.

Their college years were good, but once they'd graduated and entered the real world, both of them had been miserable. Because even though the world of finance wasn't nearly as interesting as he'd hoped it would be - and he missed being outside for more than the hour it took him to do his daily run through Central Park - he'd worked longer and longer hours at his firm to avoid coming home to her false smiles, to perfectly made dinners he had no appetite for, to one event after another full of people he didn't know...and didn't want to get to know.

Somewhere in there, his perfect wife had begun to drink. Of course, she'd hidden it from him. From everyone. Yes, she'd have the requisite bubbly in her hand at her parties, but to the naked eye, it would look like she'd barely sipped it all night.

A thousand times over, Grayson wished he'd had the balls to make Leslie sit down and talk with him before things got that bad. But she'd been just as good at hiding from the mess of their marriage - and their lives - as he was.

The day the call had come in from the police was forever imprinted in his mind. There had been a crash, just her car on a lonely road. Leslie had been drinking. She'd died on impact. He'd seen a picture of the scene in the paper the next day...and the same bile that had risen in his throat then rose now.

He'd grieved for her, deeply. He was pretty sure they hadn't been in love anymore by the time she'd died. But they'd always been friends, and he'd cared about her happiness, had wished that she'd been able to find some.

Only, so much worse than his grief was the guilt that lingered. Guilt that had never - and would never - go away. If only he'd loved her better, if only he'd been the husband he'd pledged to be, then maybe he would have known about her drinking.

And maybe he could have saved her.

An invisible fist was clenching his gut tightly inside of it, when Lori hollered, "Dinner's on!"

Grayson's memories were a grim weight deep in his chest as he headed out to the kitchen. His stomach growled again, this time at the incredible smell of the stir-fry Lori had put together. She'd set the small white table by the kitchen window, as well, with his simple white plates and some colorful napkins he'd forgotten he had. Now, as he looked at the bright flowers stitched on the napkins, he remembered that they were a farm-warming gift from the family whose property