Always the Last to Know by Kristan Higgins Page 0,21

use some relaxing. When I left the hospital earlier today, Sadie gave me the stink eye for saying I needed to go home. Juliet told me to take a long bath and make sure I ate a real dinner. Such was the difference between my two children. I’d only just walked in the door when Caro came in like an angel with bourbon, and a long, comforting hug to boot.

John had a mistress. He was young again. He had discovered what happiness was, did things with his tongue and was now in a medically induced coma.

“I want to find out who she is,” I said suddenly. “I mean, Caro, who the hell would want that old windbag? She sounds like she’s twenty-three. He’s seventy-five years old, don’t you know! And he’s got that horrible nose! Thank God the girls took after me. That there’s a blessing, you know what I’m saying?”

Caro laughed. “I love when you talk Minnesotan to me.”

“It’s because I’m a little drunk. I think I had a breakfast bar in the car this morning, so this is my dinner.” I held up the glass. Caro always had the good stuff. Woodford. John was cheap when it came to liquor. He’d never bought a bottle of wine that cost more than ten dollars.

Caro squeezed my hand. “By the way, yes. Thank God they both look like you. But some women will do anything for a man. Especially a married man.” She stood up. “I’m gonna call for a pizza. I’d offer to cook you something, but I just don’t love you that much.”

I started laughing, the exhausted, wrung-out kind of laughter that was hard to stop.

A mistress! Who’da thunk it?

From the kitchen, I heard Caro calling Wood Fire. “It’s a rush job, okay? A pizza emergency for the first selectman.” Caro’s voice was soothing and warm, and people just loved her. I sure did.

People loved me, too. They should. I loved being useful, loved helping out and being friendly. The only two people who didn’t love me were my husband and Sadie. Well, Sadie probably loved me. She just didn’t like me all that much.

“So why would someone want a married man?” I asked when Caro came back from the other room. “Especially an old married man?”

“Money, honey. For one, he’s close to death. Whoops. Sorry. I meant figuratively. I bet she’s some young slut who figures he’ll leave you, marry her, and then she’ll get all his money.”

“You know, we’re not exactly rolling in it. We did fine. We have enough for retirement. No one’s going to inherit much other than this house.”

“Which our trashy whore probably doesn’t know,” Caro said. “For two, he’s already proven he’s a keeper for someone. ‘Married fifty years? Oh, he’s a family man!’ She never thinks, ‘If he cheated with me, he’ll cheat on me.’ Because that could never happen. Her vagina is so special, it has unicorns in it.”

I snorted again.

Caro took a sip of bourbon. “And for three, she gets a rush off the competition.”

“How are you an expert on this?”

“I read articles on the Internet.”

I smiled, but it died a quick death. “The thing is, Caro, I didn’t know we were competing. I thought John was just . . . done. You know. In the bedroom. He never . . . you know. Made a move. Not that I minded. We were barely talking these past ten years.”

“Fuck him. I’m going with smothering. It’s the best way for everyone.”

“I’m trying to feel angry here. I didn’t want to stay married, and neither did he, apparently, but I’m not the one who snuck around. And now look! If she’d take him off my hands, I’d be grateful.”

“Of course you would!” Caro said staunchly. “You were all set to ditch him. He didn’t deserve you, Barb.”

“I know.” Another sip of bourbon.

And yet . . . and yet there was the embarrassment.

My husband was cheating on me. It was so ridiculous and cliché. WORK made him feel young again. Wow. Breaking news, people. Screwing around behind your wife’s back is exciting. Dating a younger woman makes you feel like a stud.

It was pathetic. There was no other word for it. He was acting like every idiot man who’d ever cheated on his wife. And like teenagers discovering sex, he thought he invented all those feelings.

I had been planning to take the high road. Divorce him. Bury the corpse that was our marriage.

Cheating had never occurred to me. I took those vows