Always the Last to Know by Kristan Higgins Page 0,19
was clumsy as an ox on the dance floor. Karen, the dance instructor, would laugh till she cried sometimes, making us laugh, too. When Caro ruptured her Achilles tendon on a hike, we dropped out. There was a bowling league we tried, but I had some arthritis in my wrist, and it was painful. We went on a wine-tasting tour of Connecticut. Booked a trip to Italy with a group, which John summarized as “on the bus, off the bus; on the bus, off the bus” for the girls. Sadie lectured us about how shallow those bus tours were, and how we should’ve asked her for recommendations instead, since she was an expert on all things Europe (in her own mind, at least).
I’d thought our trip was quite nice. I liked the ease of the coach, not having to wonder where we’d stay each night, knowing a fairly decent hotel was part of the package. No, we didn’t explore and wander on our own, but we saw some beautiful churches and countryside. Why did John have to poke fun at it?
It was the same as always, somehow. If we had a good time, John always credited someone else. “That Caro is a spitfire” or “Ted has the funniest stories, doesn’t he?” or “Boy, that museum had some amazing pieces!” There was never a “thanks for looking that up and buying the tickets and getting me out of my chair when I was whiny about going in the first place.” He never called me a spitfire or complimented me on telling a good story, even though Caro and Ted laughed and laughed when I told them about my childhood war with that giant goat we’d had.
No, John just gave me a look. Her one fun story from childhood. Here we go again.
And in the entire time I was faking it, hoping to make it, John never reciprocated. He didn’t bring me flowers. He didn’t suggest we do something, go somewhere. He just showed up, sometimes after I had to pitch it to him, to win him over to the idea of seeing a darn movie.
Exhausting.
Sex, which had become rote during the infertility years, became something I just didn’t want to bother with anymore. I knew I was supposed to care, but a person got tired of asking, don’t you know. A person can feel real bad for having to ask. John didn’t seem to notice. I stopped trying to do couple things. He didn’t seem to care. We stopped talking almost completely. It was better than forcing a meaningless conversation.
So when I got the call that he was probably dying, the grief came as a real shock. Not as big a shock as the adultery, but that came an hour or so later.
CHAPTER SIX
Barb
WORK: Babe, I miss U so much! Last week seems like a thousand years ago. I can’t stop thinking about how U make me feel. I have NEVER come that hard before. I swear I thought I was dying. U ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!
JOHN: SAME!!! You’re amazing. I’ve never felt this way. All I think of is you, you, you. Us together. God! I feel like a new man!
WORK: That thing U did with your tongue has me on FIRE just thinking about it.
JOHN: You deserve to be worshipped. Your body is incredible. God, I wish I had more “golf” weekends!!! LOL!
WORK: You can put your iron in my hole anytime.
OMG, I can’t believe I said that!
JOHN: Keep talking, sex kitten. You make me roar like a tiger!!!!
WORK: I want U. All the time, any time, every time. When can we meet again??? I’m dying for U.
JOHN: Soon. But never soon enough, my love!!!
WORK: The things I could do to U for an entire weekend . . . week . . . month . . . lifetime! My ♥ swells just thinking about it!!! Will we ever be that lucky?
JOHN: My heart is swelling too and not just my heart!!! LOL!!! We will make it happen!! I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me HAPPY.
WORK: I am so hot for U right now. If I saw U, I’d be all over you in SECONDS. I am so PROUD of U for taking your happiness into your own hands and not feeling guilty. LIFE IS TOO SHORT!
JOHN: IKR? I didn’t know what happiness WAS before this. I get hard just thinking about you! Have to go now. I want to do some