it’s just... You’ve ended things, what, ten times already? You always get back together.”
“Not this time,” said Jason. There was something different in his gaze. Something harder. “He made it very clear he has no interest in looking back, and even if he wasn’t with Evelyn, I’m dating Andrew now.”
It took Ronnie a few seconds to process what he’d said, and once he had, it didn’t make any more sense. “I’m sorry, did you say Evelyn?”
Jason cocked his head. “I just assumed you knew.”
Ronnie wasn’t sure why his chest tightened up the way it did. He had long since given up on the idea that he would ever be anything more than a friend to Colt. A rebound at worst. Even that seemed far-fetched enough. Giving up logically didn’t mean his heart had given up, but he was used to being invisible when Jason was around. Even when he wasn’t.
It made sense. Jason was perfect. He was smart, sophisticated, good-looking, fit--everything Ronnie felt he never would be. Most of all, he was human, and Ronnie could never compete with that, even if all else was equal between them.
Evelyn, on the other hand, was a complete psycho. Sure, she had a body like a country road and she was brilliant in a devious kind of way, but Colt hated her.
Didn’t he?
Over the last few weeks, Ronnie had found himself wishing he was capable of feeling anything other than the numbness that was slowly eating away at his soul. Now, he realized he should have been careful what he wished for.
“I’m sorry,” Jason finally said, his tone stiff, as if he didn’t really know what to do. Ronnie had almost forgotten he was there. “I know you always liked him. Truth be told, when he told me he was seeing someone else, I assumed it was you.”
That jarred Ronnie out of his stupor. “Me?” he echoed in disbelief. His first thought was that Jason was just fucking with him, but of course he couldn’t even have the decency to be a dick.
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” Jason said without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I know you’re close. Closer than he’d ever let me get to him in some ways.”
The fact that he could hear jealousy in Jason’s tone should have been proof enough that he was dreaming, but as surreal as it all seemed, somehow it was real. The pain in his chest was too sharp even for his most vivid dreams.
“Yeah, well, we’re not. Not anymore,” Ronnie muttered. “And for the record, I came onto him once last year. He turned me down. Said you were the only person he could ever love.”
Something flickered in Jason’s gaze, but he soon suppressed it. “Even if that was true then, it isn’t now. I guess he’s moved on from both of us.”
There would have to have been something there in the first place for Colt to move on from, but Ronnie knew Jason was at least as uncomfortable with the conversation as he was. “Yeah, well, good luck with the DA. It was nice seeing you.”
“You, too,” Jason said, watching him with a strange look of suspicion in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine,” Ronnie said, shifting his backpack on his shoulder. He knew he had to leave before it became painfully obvious just how big of a lie that really was. He could feel something building in his chest, behind the ache, and he knew whatever it was, it would be a thousand times worse when it finally got out.
He went back to his apartment, so dazed he wasn’t quite sure how he had managed to get there. He had taken a ride share to the campus, since it was pretty far away, but his aching feet told him he’d hoofed it the rest of the way back.
As soon as he was inside the apartment, Ronnie locked up and pushed the chair in front of the door as usual. He went straight to bed and handcuffed himself even though it was well before dark. He no longer trusted himself awake any more than he did asleep. He could feel the darkness edging in, tainting the edges of his reality. He didn’t want to believe something as petty as learning his crush was dating someone else would get to him like that, but he was already fucked up. He had reason to fear it would be the final straw.