All The Truths - Rina Kent Page 0,8

Everything you have to offer, my slut.

Reina-Ellis: How about my dark thoughts?

I don’t know why the hell I mention that. I guess I need someone to vent to. Sure, I could’ve said it to Jason in person, but the semi-anonymity—from his side, not mine—gives me an inexplicable sense of courage.

Cloud003: The gloomy cloud?

My lips fall open as I stare at the words.

Reina-Ellis: How do you know about that?

Cloud003: I know everything about you.

Reina-Ellis: Are you like in my brain or something?

Cloud003: I wish. That way, I’d know everything firsthand.

Maybe I’ve told him about it in our encounters in the past. After all, Old Reina admitted to having feelings for him. Maybe that’s why Jason came to check on me.

Reina-Ellis: It’s painful. I can’t move or drink or eat or do anything. The only movement in my brain is this signal urging me to open the window and jump, just jump and see how freeing that is.

My fingers hover over the phone as the dots appear and disappear, indicating he’s typing.

No idea why I admitted that to him. I didn’t even admit it to myself earlier. All of a sudden, I needed those thoughts out there.

They’re in the world and I can’t take them back.

Cloud003: You jump in cheerleading—why would you want to jump in another way?

I don’t know what I expected as his reply, but that definitely wasn’t it. For some reason, I thought he’d make fun of me since he’s a bit of a jerk. Or maybe I wanted him to make fun of me so I wouldn’t feel this freaked out about these thoughts.

I pause, thinking about my reply.

Reina-Ellis: It’s a different type of jump.

Cloud003: Don’t.

Reina-Ellis: Don’t?

Cloud003: You’re my slut, remember? You don’t get to end your life.

Reina-Ellis: I told you I’m no longer your slut.

Cloud003: I never agreed to that.

Reina-Ellis: Doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do.

Cloud003: What do you look forward to when you wake up in the morning?

My fingers hover over the screen as I read his reply. I…never thought of that.

Reina-Ellis: Nothing.

Cloud003: That’s the problem. You need a purpose.

Reina-Ellis: I don’t have one.

Cloud003: Yes, you do—being my slut, remember?

Reina-Ellis: *rolls eyes*

Cloud003: Fine. Let’s think of another purpose aside from that. How about cheerleading? Your friends? Your family?

No. They’re fun, but they’re not necessarily things I look forward to doing every day.

Then it hits me like nothing before and I type the word as fast as I can.

Reina-Ellis: Redemption.

Cloud003: Redemption?

Reina-Ellis: Yeah, ever since I realized what type of person I was in the past, I wake up every day thinking about ways to fix it.

That’s why I’ve been feeling down. Since I learned my redemption hit a solid wall with Asher, I lost the purpose and the need to continue.

I lost the will to live.

He’s the one I wanted to atone to the most, and when I realized nothing I do will work on him, I just pulled into myself and allowed the gloomy cloud in.

It takes several seconds for his reply to come through.

Cloud003: Why?

Reina-Ellis: What do you mean by why?

Cloud003: Why is redemption important to you?

Reina-Ellis: Because I’m not Old Reina anymore. I don’t know what I am or where I’m going from here, but I know I don’t enjoy hurting people. It’s just not me.

Cloud003: What if those you hurt don’t forgive you?

My broken heart continues dying a slow death at the reminder of Asher. He certainly would never forgive me. His perception of me is loud and clear.

Reina-Ellis: Then at least I tried.

An epiphany hits me.

I tried.

If I don’t try, how will I know Asher won’t forgive me? Maybe I can change his perception or prove him wrong.

Old or New Reina would never hurt someone they considered a friend. It just doesn’t work that way in my brain.

I never hurt Bree in the past and she’s a bitch, so that should mean something.

A knock sounds on the door and I startle, nearly dropping the phone.

“Open up, Rei!” Naomi’s voice hollers from outside. “I brought my tools. I can pick this lock.”

“Stop it, Nao.” Lucy’s soft voice reprimands her before she addresses me. “Are you okay, Captain? Do you need anything? I just want you to know we’re here for you, okay? Come out whenever you’re ready.”

“Yeah, campus is so boring without you or whatever,” Naomi grumbles.

My insides expand at her words, and a full-body shudder takes over me.

Did you hear that, dark thoughts?

They care.

My feet move of their own volition as I stumble from the bed and nearly