All The Lonely People - David Owen Page 0,34
the air, and Wesley’s body wanted to turn inside out to fill it. Before he could stop himself, he gave his confession to the empty space.
Kat stayed in the corner, making herself as small she could, and watched him peer around the room. It was an invasion, and she had to fight every urge that told her to fight or run. Invisibility made her safe.
While the little girl explored her stuff, Wesley took her laptop from his bag and placed it carefully on the desk. The sight of it made her feel oddly bold. She moved behind him and leaned close to his ear.
‘You can’t hear me, can you?’
His ears pricked. He turned to look right at her, but almost at once his gaze slid away. When he spoke he turned on the spot, as if surrounded by unseen snipers.
‘I brought your MacBook back. I’m sorry I took it.’
He leaned on the back of her desk chair and gripped the plastic until it creaked. All at once he seemed to break. ‘It was me. I made you delete your website and everything. The last few weeks . . . it was all me.’
Kat was rooted to the spot, the meaning of his words sinking in slowly. She had suspected Luke and Justin, but until earlier that day had never had reason to even think of him.
‘I read the letter on your MacBook, the one you didn’t send to us,’ he said. ‘I didn’t think it would be this bad. I didn’t know something like this could happen.’
He turned on the spot again, looking to the corners of the room, like Kat might be watching him through hidden cameras. She was close enough to try and push him, but before her hands could make contact they bounced away, knocking her off balance. The force field. Anger filled her up, surely hot enough to burn through the fade and let her give him a piece of her mind.
‘Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?’
‘I’m alone. And I’m angry,’ he said, oblivious. ‘I just want somebody to know.’
Kat wanted to scream. Nobody could actually be this selfish. Could do this to her – to anybody – and consider themselves the victim.
‘You can’t fix your shitty life by doing shitty things to other people,’ she told him. ‘Except I bet you think you deserve better for nothing.’
‘I can’t tell anybody about it,’ Wesley was saying. ‘I can’t look weak. I went online to find somewhere to belong, and this is all there was. Either I joined in, or I had nothing.’
For a long time, Kat was sure her online life had saved her. It hadn’t just been a place to watch Tinker videos and trade Backwash theories and read fan fiction. It had offered a place to vent about feeling sad or frustrated. To seek advice from people who felt the same. Without it, she didn’t know what she would have become. If young men couldn’t find those spaces to explore what they were feeling . . .
‘I didn’t mean for this to happen to you. It was supposed to be fun,’ said Wesley. I don’t believe all that stuff they say in videos and forums. I know there’s a lot of bad people there, but maybe it’s the only community that will have me.’
‘That’s how it starts,’ said Kat, circling around to face his blank eyes. ‘It looks innocent enough, just a bunch of nerds spewing bile into the abyss. Until somebody else decides to capitalise on how detached they all are, makes them feel like they belong to something, and exposes them to more dangerous ideas. It’s easier to talk openly about your inadequacies if you believe they’re caused by a global conspiracy against you. Young men have nowhere else to deal with their anger, so these people aim it at a target that suits them. They recruit you, and you probably don’t even notice it.’
Tinker had spoken about exactly this in one of her videos. It was no surprise they had identified her as a target.
Kat had never done anything to Wesley, and yet he had decided to destroy her life. Kat could hardly fathom the cruelty. Still, something about his confession made her feel for him; that he could only make it in a room that appeared to him to be empty.
‘If this is my fault, I won’t forget you. I want to fix it,’ Wesley said. ‘I just don’t know how.’
‘It’s not your job to fix me,’ Kat