All I Need - A.D. Justice Page 0,4
to do was sit on a plane, I don’t think it can wait any longer.
“Rod, I’ve made out my will and talked to my lawyer at length about my decision. We both agree it is time to plan for the worst-case scenario. The only present I want this Christmas is for you to sign the custody papers to become Isa’s legal guardian—permanently and immediately. Not the short-term, power of attorney agreement we signed when I was in the hospital before. If I beat this disease, I’ll gladly take her back. There’s so much uncertainty in my life right now, but I can’t let her future be left to chance. I need to know she’ll be taken care of every day, so I don’t have to worry about that aspect of her life when I become worse.”
I’ve already had my mental breakdown for the decade, and in front of Daisy, no less. That’s the only one I’m allowed. My little sister needs me more than she ever has. Even more than when our mom died, because she has a child to think about and she has always put Isa first. The déjà vu is about to break me, I can’t lie. But for Juliana, I’ll lock that ghost away in its own compartment and deal with it later.
“You know there’s nothing I won’t do for you, or for Isa, for that matter. Before I sign them, I need my Christmas present from you.”
“What’s that?” She wipes the tears from her cheek, but it’s pointless. They’re instantly replaced by more.
“Promise you won’t quit fighting, no matter how hard it gets. No matter how badly you just want to close your eyes and sleep forever. You’ve kept me going all these years. I can’t lose you now.”
She nods. “I promise.”
I move to sit beside her and wrap my arms around her. She leans into my embrace and loses all composure. Once her tears begin to fall, she can’t stop them from flowing freely and unchecked over her face. My baby sister is hurting inside, and I can’t fix it.
I can’t fix her.
As hard as I try, I can’t imagine the magnitude of fear gripping her. She’s not only facing her own death but also leaving her daughter long before she should even have to think about it. While the thought of losing her fills me with a sense of dread I can’t explain, my fears are a distant second to hers. My heart is obliterated now, from her words, from her request, and from the fact I can’t do shit to stop this devastating disease. My tissue doesn’t match hers. If it did, I’d give her all I have if it meant saving her life.
The only bright spot in this darkness is seeing first-hand my mom was right all along. All the money I have now can’t save my sister. If I’d had it when Mom was still with us, there’s no guarantee they could’ve done anything to save her. But the what-ifs and doubts still creep into my thoughts, keeping the uncertainties alive and well in my mind. Throughout all these years since Mom died, I’ve carried a guilty conscience because I couldn’t save her. Though I worked all night, success remained just out of my reach.
If I lose Juliana too…
I can’t allow myself to drift to that dark place.
She lifts her head and dries her eyes. “That’s enough blubbering for one day. We have to focus on the other pressing problem at hand.”
“What other problem are you referring to?”
“You. How are you planning to fix this mess with Daisy?” She holds my gaze and arches her brow. The strong-willed Jules is back.
“Little bird, I don’t think that’s where my attention should be right now. It seems I have more important matters to take care of at the moment.”
She picks up the pendant that’s always around my neck and holds it in her palm. “Your heart is large enough to share your love with more than one person at a time, big brother. Do you remember when I gave you this necklace? I can’t believe you’re still wearing it after all these years.”
“You got it out of one of those gumball machines when you were only six years old. Put a quarter in, turn the knob, and a plastic ball comes out with the greatest prize twenty-five cents can buy inside. The necklace was too long for you, so you put it around my neck and said it fit me just right.
“Then