All Hail - J. Bree Page 0,66
me.
How do I describe the trauma?
Because I don’t regret what I did. I don’t hate Aodhan or what happened just maybe how it happened. I’m worried that he only really wants me because of my virginity and some weird sort of obligation he’s feeling. Even now that he’s been affectionate with me, I’ve had this awful feeling in the back of my mind that all of this is some joke on me… like I’d never actually get to have someone that loves me for me.
God, what a mess.
“Aves, if he still wanted you after you and Atticus fucked at the gala then I think it’s safe to say that he wants you. Fuck, he could’ve just moved on with his life after we rescued you from the Jackal. He’s a member of the Twelve, he’s in our inner circle, he doesn’t need to date you to have influence. He’s already got it. I saw the photos of the aftermath of his fight with Atticus after Luca came and got you, Illi gave me the details. A man doesn’t react like that unless he has skin in the game.”
I huff and then groan as my eyes close and I can see so clearly that wall three floors down of all of the faces of the people who might just want us dead. I’ve stared at it for so long that it’s etched into my mind now, no chance of ever forgetting a single detail.
“So you’re saying I should pursue Aodhan? Forget about Atticus and just go after the man I raped? Jesus. It’s so fucking bad when I say it out loud.”
She huffs at me. “Avery, it sounds bad because it’s not what happened. You gave something up to save him, he could have argued with you, he could have said no.”
My eyes well up just a little but I blink until they clear. “He did. He—“
She interrupts me. “No, you just said he told you that you didn’t have to. That’s not a man saying no, that’s a good man giving you an out. Look, I’d be the first person to tell you if I thought something bad happened in that room and it did but that was all on Matteo. Fucking nothing is on you, Aves.”
I sigh. I want so badly to believe her but I can’t until I speak to Aodhan.
What a fucking mess. “So I’m just supposed to invite him over and say, ‘oh, about that night, did I assault you? Is this all Stockholm syndrome or are you good for round two? A girl has needs you know?’ Because I may die if I have to say that to him, Lips. No, I’d rather die than say it.”
She scoffs at me. “At least invite him over for dinner. You know guys do better with a steak in front of them. He’s a Mounty though, so don’t go crazy with all the trimmings. Just a steak and beers and call it good.”
I try to do simple.
And for my standards the four-course dinner with two options for dessert that I cook entirely from scratch is simple but I’m sure it’s not what Lips was trying to get through to me. When I send her the menu for critiques, she replies something snarky back and I switch my phone to silent so I don’t have to listen to her laugh at me over my obsessive freakout.
I need everything to be perfect and I don’t have time to remind her that she was an absolute idiot about the three guys who were desperately trying to get her attention but when this dinner is over you better believe I’m going to call her and rehash the facts.
I time everything perfectly so I’m out of the shower, dressed perfectly with makeup and my favorite pair of Louboutins on by the time the doorbell rings.
Aodhan had used his own code to get through the gate, meaning that I got an alert but I didn’t have to actually buzz him in which is a nice extra feature. I run a hand down the silk of my dress before I open the door, one last calming ritual to help me settle my nerves at whatever this night is going to throw at me.
Aodhan is too attractive for words tonight.
He’s wearing dark jeans and a button-down shirt in a charcoal gray that clings to his biceps in a delicious way. His boots are new, definitely not the blood-spattered ones he’d worn to deal with Diarmuid, and