An Alien's Guide to the Human Species - By Deb McEwan Page 0,2

It was a no-brainer for Max; be eaten or trained to spy on a species from the planet Earth – he’d have to think about that one! Besides, he loved travelling and visiting different planets and he’d survived Largo. Who knows, maybe they’d be kind to spiders on this new planet. He hoped so as it looked like he’d spend some time there.

So the training had begun. Max often wondered what sort of simple creatures the Terries had worked with before as the smallest step forward in the training programme always impressed them beyond measure.

It hadn’t taken long for Max to get used to the technology and weight of the webcam, and to be able to use it without any hitches, along with the microphone and recording equipment. Then came the communications systems and Max and his new friend Vicky were taught how to use them and how to talk to each other out of line of sight.

It was hard work, but nothing compared to their former lives on Phoenix. If left alone and barring accidents, Cavaliers could expect to live very long and healthy lives. This had not been the case for Max’s family who had died from exhaustion due to their ill-treatment.

The homes on Phoenix used spider silk in their construction. The Bundrils extracted silk from the spiders in a brutal fashion. Most survived the ordeal for a few months but could not cope with the constant abuse of their bodies, long working hours and lack of nourishment.

They enjoyed the trip to Largo but despair soon set in when they discovered they were destined to be tasty morsels for the Terries. Max would be eternally grateful to Pamela Birdflu for recognising the potential of his species and thereby saving them from a Terry smorgasbord.

Following the impressive success with Max and Vicky, thousands of Cavalier spiders were trained in the use of the webcam and radio communication system. It wasn’t just a fluke and the scientists were pleased to see that all the spiders were intelligent and quickly understood what was required.

Whilst this training was taking place in one lab, the Phoenix Jacoby spiders were being trained in aggression and security techniques in another. This training was slower as the Jacobies, whilst strong and fit, were less intelligent than the smaller Cavaliers. The Jacobies would be used to protect the less thuggish Cavaliers, and the equipment in the main operations area of each stakeout, to deliver messages from A to B and to carry out any other duties as and when ordered to do so.

Both species were taught escape and evasion techniques, how to work in a team, and self-discipline. They had a strict chain of command to follow with Max as the leader. He was given authority to appoint his deputies and they in turn to appoint their deputies and team leaders.

Three months later, sufficient numbers of spiders had been trained and were ready to deploy to Earth. The first pod, looking like a car roof ski-box landed in Graylesford, England. Max was the first to exit ordering his regiment of 650 spiders to follow tout suite.

The initial orders Max received were to familiarise his spiders with the local area, hole up and acclimatise his regiment to the new planet.

The pod landed and Max checked the time box. April 1941. They were over 50 years out but he decided to have a look around anyway. Max quickly and efficiently ordered the Jacobies to secure the area. He’d appointed Julian as the senior Jacoby and head of security for the entire operation and Julian soon confirmed that all was safe.

Vicky was appointed as Max’s second in command and he told her to get the pod ready to leave at short notice whilst Max scouted the area with a small incursion team. They saw a few lights and heard noises coming from the same area; an establishment on the corner of a street. The spiders discreetly entered and Max turned on his camera. An adult man was on one knee holding the hand of a woman and she was crying. The man placed a ring on one of the woman’s fingers and the clientele in the establishment clapped and cheered. The man and woman hugged and all the people started to drink and sing. Max sensed something interesting was happening and decided to hang around for a while.

A little later the spiders returned to the pod and Max set the time box for the late 20th century, hoping it would