An Alien's Guide to the Human Species - By Deb McEwan Page 0,124
know you’re my son, Phil, but I want to even things up a little here. You weren’t totally innocent on your stag night were you?’
‘No, Dad I wasn’t, but that’s in the past and we’ve all moved on now.’
It was a futile effort.
‘Nice try, son, but while you make judgements about us, Caroline needs to know that you woke up naked, in the bed of a strange woman, although I must add that you didn’t sleep with her, well not in the biblical sense anyway.’
Phil looked questioningly at his father. Trevor smiled at his son. ‘Sam.’
Phil wasn’t surprised and would have laughed if Caroline hadn’t given him a heavy elbow in the waist.
‘So, my porn star brother is marrying into a family where one has a criminal record, and wakes up with a strange woman after his stag do, and one set of grandparents likes to watch porn films. How absolutely ghastly.’
Prudence looked at Jean, Caroline, Phil, Donna and Trevor with distaste. Her father thought it about time to bring her back to Earth.
‘Do you remember your first Nanny job, Prudence? And the circumstances you left in.’
It was Pru’s turn to be shocked this time. She had been young and foolish and knew the MP was a Minister now, she saw him on the television often enough, but had managed to put that episode right to the back of her mind.
‘Please, Daddy, that has nothing to do with this charade.’ Prudence was desperate for her father to keep his mouth shut.
‘Please, Daddy?’
She sounded like a five year old and her mother wasn’t impressed.
Abigail was annoyed.
‘For heaven’s sake, Prudence, act your age. Your father will keep your past to himself but remember that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’
This was the first time that she hadn’t been able to wrap her father around her little finger so Prudence went into another of her famous sulks. Pru’s husband Raphe wasn’t happy at this revelation. He hated confrontation though and decided to leave it for now and have a quiet word with Pru when they got home.
Ordinarily, Bunny would have loved to know what his sister had been up to but this wasn’t the time. He’d had enough of listening to everyone else’s dirty little secrets. The day was ruined.
‘STOOOOOPPPPPPP!’ Everyone was stunned into silence, few of them had heard Bunny raise his voice before.
‘Donna.’ The name was said through gritted teeth. Bunny was finding it difficult to contain his anger and kept reminding himself standards old chap, standards.
‘You’ve spoilt our day by being frightfully horrid and you’ve made me very very cross.’
He took Jean’s hand and placed her arm in the crook of his own.
‘Come on beautiful lady, you’re my rose in this garden of weeds.’
Jean loved it when Bunny was masterful and happily accompanied her wonderful man out of the building. They left a crying Donna, a fuming Abigail a bemused Registrar and Caroline and Phil not knowing what to think.
‘So, does that mean the wedding’s on or off?’ The Registrar looked at the remaining guests, and nobody could answer his question.
Max. ‘That brings us to the end of this episode, Terries, and sadly, to the end of the series…’
Vicky shook her head sadly. Secrets always seemed to come out, whether in the human world or their own.
Chapter 30
On Largo Bobby and his family weren’t impressed at the end of the show.
‘You can’t do that.’ Shouted Dorset, even though he knew nobody on the Terryvision could hear him.
‘I wonder if they did get married then? It seems a bit unfair to keep us guessing.’ Bobby commented. He was the only calm one in the home, the rest of his family were fuming.
‘That’s so unfair.’ Said Flora. ‘What if we aren’t here to see the next series?’ As soon as the words were out, Flora cursed herself for her lapse.
‘What do you mean, Mum?’ Asked Keesha.
Flora looked at Bobby and saw the imperceptible shake of his head.
‘Your mother meant to say what if they can’t make another series, we wouldn’t know what happens to the humans.’
Keesha could sense her mother’s distress but before she could question further, they heard a voice from the Terryvision.
Max. ‘It’s what humans call a cliff hanger. Wondering whether Jean and Bunny did or didn’t get married will ensure that you watch the next series. Signing off for now, Terries. Hope you all get through this season’s solar storms and see you on the other side.’